I'm not actually here today. Then again, I'm not actually HERE any day. This is a website and we're not in the matrix.

Not a real stegosaurus.

The Blog Tour begins!  Starting today and continuing through June, I will be blogging at various other people's sites, piggybacking my own hopes and dreams onto their carefully-crafted, well-maintained, finely tuned... I'm out of synonyms.  Whatever.

Anyway, this tour is to promote Indie Writers Monthly, which is a website, a magazine, and possibly the highest achievement civilization has managed since the McGriddle (history will decide that one).

Today, the tour is on Sizzling Hot YA Books, thanks to the volunteerism of Heather Powell and Marissa Dobson.  Click over there to learn the first of many reasons you should be reading Indie Writers Monthly (Today's tip: You could learn how to go back and tell your teenage self that no, feathered hair really isn't that cool.)

I laughed so hard I choked. (The Greatest Thing In The World, EVER!)

Once, I made a casserole. Usually, Sweetie makes the casserole, which is just ground beef and macaroni and cheese, and which is delicious. (I'm not sure it is a "casserole," but that's what we call it. My mom called it "Hamburger and Noodles." Mom was not one to be creative with the dish names.)** But once, I made the casserole, and, as I am prone to do, I wanted to fancy it up.  So I thought, I will make a barbecue casserole, and I bought some barbecue sauce.

The night I made it, I put a little barbecue sauce in the basic casserole, and stirred it around.  I tasted it, and it tasted like casserole.  So I put a little more barbecue sauce in.

"Be careful with that," said Sweetie, adding "A little barbecue sauce goes a long way," but I didn't listen to her because I am stupid.  And I put the entire bottle in, and the casserole was very barbecue flavored.  It was barbecue flavored enough to stun a moose at 30 yards.

And so barbecue casserole joined "Sage Tacos" (spilled the spice into the pan), "Cincinnati Chili" (cooked on too high a heat, got distracted), that one time I cooked the lasagna too long and it turned solid (self-explanatory) and other culinary disasters I have caused.

(Pride causes me to add: I am supergood at making pizzas, from scratch.)(It's just everything else I can't cook.)

I bring this up because of the website I have been obsessed with all weekend and this week.  It's called "Someone Ate This," and it consists of real-life photos people post to the web of food that's so weirdly gross it's impossible to believe it's real, plus snarky comments.  Like this:

I like to eat a leaf and remember the good old days when I didn’t eat a leaf.

Tags: hot brown steaming goop leaf

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That's one of the hundreds they have on this site.

Here's another

If Natalie won’t go to Prom with me, THAT’S FINE. I’LL HAVE MY OWN PROM WITH REAL PROM FOOD AND EVERYTHING. YOU’LL SEE.

Tags: Natalie I love you Please Please Natalie I want to be with you I've always had a crush on you Natalie I would do anything for you Natalie my love

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The tags are as funny as the comments.  I couldn't stop reading them. I've read every one of them on their site now.    You should go read all of them now and never stop laughing, like I am.

Someone Ate This on Tumblr





**except for "Million Dollar Candy," which is another story altogether.

A plug for a story AND the Indie-pendence Day Anthology!

Entries continue to roll in for the First Annual Indie-Pendence Day Anthology, which will feature stories about time travel by indie authors.  First prize is $15.  Details are here for the detail-oriented, but the long and short of it is:

1. Write a time-travel story. Length can be from 1 to infinity words.

2. Email it to litaplaceforstories[at]gmail.com.

3. WIN! (HOPEFULLY).

To show you how easy it is.. here's a short story I wrote that kind of has to do with time travel, in a way:

Our Time-O-Scope Shows That All Of The Kids At The Science Fair Will Go On To Do Great Things, Except For Tommy, Who Will Die Horribly By The End Of This Fair.

“Welcome, everyone, to the 14^th annual Bronson LaFollette 8^th Grade Science Fair, where this year for the first time we will be judging the entries not just on originality, completeness, and scientific accuracy, but also on how much today’s performance in the science fair impacts your little darling’s future performance in society, thanks to the Time-O-Scope that Mr. Ott has finally perfected....

CLICK HERE TO READ THE REST OF THIS STORY PLEASE READ THE REST IT WON"T KILL YOU IT'S REALLY SHORT.

American Night

2,178 American soldiers have died in Afghanistan in the "War on Terror."

4,489 American soldiers have died in Iraq.

More than 51,000 American soldier have been wounded between the two wars.

US Army Specialist Bowe Bergdahl has been held as a prisoner of war in Afghanistan since June 30, 2009.  Taliban forces are demanding $1,000,000 and the release of 21 POWs from Guantanamo Bay prison in exchange for his release.

These are the exact words which Congress used in authorizing any President -- ANY President, from here on out -- to conduct a war with no specified enemies, no zone of operations, no identified enemy, and no clearcut goals or signs of victory:

That the President is authorized to use all necessary and appropriate force against those nations, organizations, or persons he determines planned, authorized, committed, or aided the terrorist attacks that occurred on September 11, 2001, or harbored such organizations or persons, in order to prevent any future acts of international terrorism against the United States by such nations, organizations or persons.

Using those words, two Presidents have set up military tribunals which authorize detention of US citizens, use drone strikes to kill nearly 200 children in Pakistan, extraordinary rendition to subject people to torture, the NSA eavesdropping.

The Authorization for the Use of Military Force has even been cited by President Obama as giving him the power to kill US citizens without a trial.

The Authorization does not end.  Last week, the House of Representatives voted against ending the authorization, and voted in particular not to end Guantanamo Bay or indefinite military detention.

Enjoy your cookouts today!