Quote of the Day, 28

"You're always telling me these interesting things about sports and then when I try to talk sports with you, you're like... Joe Theisman."

-- The Boy, when I tried to tell him about an article I read this weekend. To celebrate our anniversary, I took Sweetie out Friday and one of the things she did was get a manicure. She asked if I minded waiting and I did not because they had an issue of The New Yorker just sitting there, which meant that I got to read a fascinating article about why David beats Goliath by Malcolm Gladwell.

The article focused on how a junior high girls' basketball team had used the full-court press to win its way to the championship, and I used the article to explain another "interesting thing about sports" to The Boy the next day, after he had the gall to tell me that there's never anything interesting in The New Yorker. It was after my story that he gave the Quote of the Day, apparently as a put-down, and then he left before I could tell him about the neuroscientist who once spent a weekend trying to get flounder to mimic a polka dot background.

God, I love The New Yorker.

Question of The Day: 59

How much do you have to buy at McDonald's to use their playland without being a freeloader?

Yesterday was kind of chilly, so rather than take the Babies! to the playground, we went to McDonald's to play on their playland. Ordinarily, if I take them there, it's around lunch and I just buy a Happy Meal and they play and eat the french fries, but I feel kind of guilty because there's two of them playing, but I only bought one Happy Meal. Then again, the two of them are only 2 1/2, apiece, so that's like one 5-year-old kid playing, right? Should it go by age? Or weight? Or height? Maybe for every 3 years of age, people should spent $4.00, or something.

Then, yesterday, the math got harder, because we got there about 9:45, too late for breakfast and too early for lunch, and I didn't want to order coffee. So I bought a soda, and then as an afterthought threw in some McDonaldland Cookies. Then we went to the playland and the boys ran and played and climbed while I sipped my soda (and also gave in and just gave Mr Bunches cookies, at 10 a.m., because he wanted them and Sweetie wasn't there.)

We were there about 40 minutes, and when I left I got a free refill of my soda, but I felt a little guilty, like I wasn't keeping up my end of the bargain.

Also: I'm the parent at those playlands and playgrounds that you hate. The rules say no shoes but I let the Babies! keep their shoes on because they're small and they have an easier time climbing on the things with their shoes than if they wore only their socks, which in my mind justifies my breaking that rule.

The rules also say "No Food In The Playland" but I break that rule by telling myself, each time we go in, that I'm not bringing the food in for Mr F and Mr Bunches to eat; I'm bringing it in to hold it until later. Then they want some -- they always do -- and I justify that by saying "They're not eating, they're just snacking."

I just ignore the looks everyone else gives me, and focus on the important part, which is this:
McDonaldland cookies have kind of an orange-y flavor to them.

Hey, I Think I Love You!

We went to Hollywood on vacation about 8 years ago, and I spent our entire time there looking about for celebrities: movies stars, rock stars, Johnny Carson, ANYONE. All in vain -- the closest I came was Sweetie said that Craig Bierko shoved The Boy in an airport, and everyone else (but not me) saw one of the Williams sisters on the street as we drove by.

That lack of celebrities in Hollywood may be caused by the fact that they're all in Kissimmee, Florida, as I found out recently -- which makes all the more reason to go there.

The Kissimmee area already has more or less one theme park for everyone in America: Busch Gardens, SeaWorld, Gatorland, Disney and all its incarnations, plus water parks and golf courses and more malls than you could shake a stick at. (Why would you shake a stick at a mall? What's that gonna prove?)

And now it's got celebs. Tons of celebs. Celebamundo, so to speak. Athletes: Tiger Woods, Larry Bird, Dwayne Johnson (he's kind of an athlete, right?) Actors: David Caruso, and Matt Damon. Singers: Cher, Enrique Iglesias, Barry Gibb... and David Cassidy.

That's where I stopped looking things up. David Cassidy! That guy is AWESOME. Imagine spending a day with David Cassidy in Kissimmee. Me and David going golfing in the morning, then throwing some food to some gators before lunch. After lunch, we head over to Disney and ride Space Mountain, maybe bumping into some other not-as-awesome celebrities over dinner, guys and girls who would say "Hey, David, who's your cool friend?"

And now I've got a chance to hang out with David Cassidy for free: Kissimmee is giving away three weekend getaways for two, and two weeklong getaways for four (don't worry -- that's all the math you'll be required to do), with the next drawing on June 1. I've already entered -- you should, too. Don't just hang out in Kissimmee this summer: Hang out in Kissimmee this summer for FREE, with David Cassidy! (And me.)