Sweetie's Hunk Of The Week Settles An Age-Old Debate (Sweetie's Hunk of the Week, 26)

Sweetie's Hunk of the Week is: Tom Cavanagh, or, as he will be known in the future, "The Guy Who Finally Proved That Women Are Liars."

You/Sweetie Know Him As: Probably "Ed," the funny lawyer who also ran a bowling alley and engaged in humorous bets with his friend Mike. While Tom's had a lot of roles in shows, Ed is the one that had the greatest success. The others have not done so well, even though they were creative and funny and well-written and got critical acclaim. You know why that is? Why they haven't done so well? It's a secret, and but one I'll reveal in a moment.

I know him as: Ed. That was the only legal show I could ever watch -- because it didn't pretend, in any way, to be based in reality. At least, I could watch it until it got moved around the schedule and then they all went to live in New York and I sort of lost touch with it and moved on. But I did watch it, and I watched it because it was funny. I tried to watch Tom's other shows, too, like Love Monkey (canceled) and Trust Me (taped but not watched because I tried to focus on finishing up Lost season 3) and anything else I saw him in. But that's because I'm a fan from way back, and not, as women are, sneakily telling guys one thing but actually believing another.

Thing That Makes You Go Hmmmm About Him: Why aren't his shows more popular? They're funny. He's likable. They're unique. He's quirky. What could it be? What could be the problem here? Is there something that I, and society, are missing?

Reason I Tell Myself Sweetie Likes Him: Because he's funny and quirky and likeable. What's not to like? I assume that Sweetie appreciates funny/quirky/likeable. Personality counts, right?

Hint hint.

Actual Reason Sweetie Likes Him: "Because he's just so funny." So, Sweetie and I were on the same page. Personality counts! Hooray for personality! Women love funny quirky likeable guys. That's what's important to them, just like they always say.

Point I'd Like To Make About Sweetie's Reason For Liking Him: Wait a minute... let me check something here.

Actual number of shows starring Tom Cavanagh that Sweetie has watched: 1
Actual number of shows starring Tom Cavanagh that Sweetie has watched,
which I didn't make her watch because I was watching them: 0

Actual number of times Sweetie has watched reruns of an episode of some show that merely has a hunky actor like Josh Stewart or that other guy or the one with the hair, this week? 3.

So I did a little math here, used a little science, and here's what I've concluded: Women don't like funny and quirky at all! They can't. If they did, then Tom Cavanagh would be sitting on top of the world, because he's like the king of funny and quirky. Tom Cavanagh, if what women everywhere constantly say is true, would be hosting the Oscars while Hugh Jackman would be hiring teenagers to work at the McDonald's franchise his father-in-law bought.

But that's not happening, is it? Instead, Tom Cavanagh is in some tv series on some channel, maybe, if it's still on, even, and Chris Hardwick is on a cable clip show, and Andy Samberg has to work late every weekend -- while Will Smith is in movie after movie and Jason Patric just got into a movie and Christopher Meloni gets paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to make the same exact show every week, and meanwhile Dane Cook and Ryan Reynolds had to get all pumped up and abs-y just to get mentioned as Hunks...

So I'm sorry, women, you are busted. Sweetie's slip-up here has thrown open the worldwide conspiracy of untruth that is women's claims that "funny" is important. Funny is obviously not as important as abs, and I've got one final additional bit of proof to throw at you to prove it:

The other night, Sweetie had me sing the song Magic Bus by The Who for her, to prove that it was an actual song that I knew.

But while she had me do that, she also had me flex my biceps.

Busted! Sorry, Tom Cavanagh. You may be funny and quirky and a Hunk of the Week, but unless you get working on that abdomenizer, you'll never rise to the top among women. But I will at least watch your shows. Or I'll intend to watch them but then will get distracted. (Singing:) I just ride my magic bus...

We don't have the shirt anymore. We gave it to a ball team to use it as a tarp to haul across the infield when it rains.

I remember when Sweetie was pregnant with the Babies!, how much trouble she had finding anything that fit her and which she wanted to wear. Before-- and after -- the pregnancy, Sweetie was and is a very stylish woman, with clothes that were up-to-date and fit well and looked nice. She had great dresses and outfits for the office and casual-night-out clothes.

DURING the pregnancy, though, Sweetie had a pair of sweatshorts, and a giant t-shirt that I made specially for her off a website (Size: "You wouldn't believe me if I told you.") That's about it -- for nine months.

I know it bugged her, and it made me feel bad, and it probably makes other pregnant women and fathers-to-be bugged/feeling bad. Because why does pregnancy mean the end of fashion? Why does having a bun in the oven mean that women have to have a bathrobe as their outfit of choice for nine months?

Why can't more maternity clothes look like the Due Maternity dress shown here? Stylish and nice and made of good material and affordable (that's for people like me, who won't get pregnant but will want to save money)-- it's everything a woman wants in a dress, whether she's pregnant or not.

But especially when she's pregnant. I wish I'd known about the maternity clothes from Due Maternity back 3 years ago, because they've got great pants and tops and dresses, and Sweetie could have been dressed in style throughout her pregnancy, instead of dressed in that t-shirt and shorts she had to keep wearing and washing and wearing and washing.

Due Maternity lets pregnant women still dress the way they want to-- in nice clothes that don't shy away from showing that the woman is expecting, but instead incorporate it into an outfit that says I'm pregnant and I look nice -- and isn't that the message you want your pregnant wife, girlfriend, mom, or friend to send?

Question of the Day, 66

Did you tell The Boy we're going to get a McFlurry?
-- Me, yesterday afternoon.

This became an important question last night when Sweetie and I and Middle took the Babies! for a ride after dinner to get some ice cream and unwind. The Babies! like car rides, and Middle and Sweetie like McFlurries.

It was important, though, because of what happened earlier in the week. Earlier in the week, I'd taken Sweetie to get a McFlurry (and the Babies! for a ride), only to come home and find that The Boy had gotten back from football practice, and he was disappointed and pouty that he hadn't gotten a McFlurry.

So the next night, Sweetie and I ran to the library and bookstore, and on the way home, I offered to stop and get her a McFlurry, figuring that I could also pick one up for The Boy and he would then feel mollified from the night before. Only Sweetie decided that she didn't want one, and I deemed it not important enough to stop and get The Boy a McFlurry if nobody else wanted one.

That brings us up to Friday night, when I pulled into McDonald's and asked the Question of the Day, following it up with "Does he want one?"

Sweetie said "No, I didn't tell him. He's going to a movie."

So The Boy didn't get a McFlurry for the third time this week.