I'm lying. I will actually sneak the Fritos in.

Our health club is doing amazingly well, from what I can see. They're renovating, adding new stuff all the time, and upgrading the machines and the televisions to watch while I work out; I'm sure it's only a matter of time before they start upgrading the clientele... which will probably involve asking me not to go there anymore.

There are better, and nicer, ways to improve your health club's bottom line than excluding me from membership, though. You could use the Online Scheduling Software or the Dance Studio Software, or any of the other Fitness Club Software available through Mindbody, a company that sells business management software for -- you guessed it-- health clubs.

Because running a health club is running a business -- it's not enough to have some ellipticals and raquetball courts. You want to maximize your customers' health while maximizing your revenues, and MindBody can do that for you. Their software helps you keep your revenue stream going by having AutoPay for memberships and contracts; it eliminates a lot of time-consuming, expensive, space-taking paper by using electronic contracts. They can help you track customers and see what they're using -- do you need more weights? Fewer exercycles? Less me? The MindBody software will let you know how to focus on what your clients want.

They can even improve the personal training aspect by helping keep your trainers in touch with the clients, and by uploading before and after photos to the clients' files.

(In my case, the before photo is actually BETTER than the after. It's a long, BBQ-Frito-related story that I'm too ashamed to discuss.

So if you run a health club, here's two pointers: (1) Check out MindBody, and (2) Let me in, please? I'll leave the Fritos outside.