Blackmailing Matt, 2:

My plan to blackmail my brother Matt into posting the video of him trying to learn to surf in a mall has not yet paid off -- which means my plan to then turn that video into an ongoing series (called "Matt Does Crazy Stuff,") has also not yet paid off.

But I was serious: I'm going to continue to try to prove to him that there are worse things than having an embarrassing video of yourself on the Internet. "Worse things" in this case being a list of made-up, but possibly true facts about Matt:

Matt didn't cave in the face of Macarena-related embarrassment, claiming instead to have caught an 18-pound virtual fish... so let's try this one, the Second of the Embarrassing Facts That Might Well Be True About Matt Pagel:

2. When Matt was told that there was no word in the English language that rhymes with orange, he tried to invent one, and spent almost two weeks peppering his conversations with that word, which he insisted was an actual word. Thus, if you talked to Matt during those two weeks, you were likely to have heard him say "Yeah, I was just putting on a little blornge."

So if you know or see Matt Pagel, ask him if he's still wearing the blornge, and tell him "Post the video, Matt!"