Plus, James Bond shouldn't drink so much.

Two things bug me about spy movies.

First: WHY ON EARTH would a spy need to excel at everything and draw attention to himself? When James Bond goes and dances a tango and then plays that video game against the host and has EVERYONE in the room looking at him, doesn't that blow his mission?

Second: CELL PHONES DON'T WORK THAT WAY, Jason Bourne. In the movies, spies need to make a call and not be traced, so they walk up a mall kiosk and buy a prepaid cell phone, tear it open, and start calling. Have you ever actually SEEN someone use these, though? Not only does it take roughly three hours for the bored college kid to ring up your order, and not only do you have to use a machete to open that package, but then you have to put in the battery, charge the phone, program the little card, and probably log online to start up your account.

The Boy got himself a prepaid cell phone and it was TWO DAYS before he could use it, and then he's always going to get new cards to "re-up" his minutes.

What I never understood is this: Why don't the spies just use something like international calling cards to make calls? That's an idea I got from looking at GetMeCallingCards.com, where they have roughly 1 zillion different calling cards, prepaid included, and ways to get calling codes and refills.

So they've got to call thirty-three different countries in two hours. They don't need to make a risky trip to the mall and try to figure out that weird foreign currency -- and then walk around in PUBLIC talking about their mission -- they just need to have, say, an international prepaid calling card on them, one they can use to make those calls currency-free from a safe phone in a hostel lobby on a side street in Germany. There's even 007 Card!

See? I should be working in Hollywood. My movies would be realistic like that and would make more sense.

Of course, they'd still have car crashes and aliens.