The giraffe treats, maybe, could be kept in a special pouch the Marines carry for that purpose.

I only just last year started making sure I wear a tie to the office on almost every day -- Fridays excepted -- because I wanted to look more professional and improve my image in the eyes of clients and the partners at our firm.

And I only just adapted to that recently, getting comfortable with wearing a tie (which I usually wear a little loosened and my sleeves rolled up) when along comes the news that I'm going to have to SHAVE EVERYDAY, too?

What is this, the Marines?

Are Marines known for being well-groomed? I think they are. I see them in their commercials and they look pretty well-groomed in their uniforms and short haircuts. Then again, Marines are the guys who swim through two miles of mine-infested water, to climb out of the water and get onto their trained, sentient giraffes, which they then ride across the plains of the Serengeti to do battle with the laser-armed Maori uprising that threatens to destabilize the fragile peace between men and apes.

Well, they do that in my new novel: Tarzan 3000. Coming soon to bookstores near you!

Anyway, I'm reacting not just to what a fantastic movie that would make starring Jake Gyllenhaal (with a videogame tie-in, hint hint) but also to the news from Gillette Career Advantage that well-groomed men are more likely to be hired, and more likely to be promoted.

That's the news this week: A survey of 500 HR people showed that 84% of them said well-groomed employees move up faster, get more promotions and get them more quickly, than employees like me, who have their tie loosened and that Don Johnson look.

Stubble may have worked in the 80s, apparently, but no longer. It takes more than a pet crocodile and a disdain for razors to hit the top, and the Gillette Resource Center is that more: at the Gillette Resource Center, experts like GQ style correspondent Brett Fahlgren provide advice on how to find a job or get a better job. Through their website you can review expert advice, take a career quiz and even view the "Hire Guide," an in-depth look at what HR Professionals really think.


With my luck, I'll go look at it and they'll tell me I need to start wearing pants, too. Well, you know what, Mr. Hoity-Toity HR Professional? You know who DOESN'T wear pants? Tarzan 3000, that's who. And Marines!

Well, maybe Marines wear pants. Otherwise, where would they keep their giraffe treats?