TWINKIE WATCH, Day 38

"Now I am become Oppenheimer, destroyer of snack foods..."

What's that old saying about science? "You can't make an omelette unless you first convince people velociraptors really existed?" Something like that.

Today, I had in mind to test the exterior strength of the Immortal Twinkie, and Control Group, using the Black Binder Clip Of SCIENCE, and the results were dramatic and a little saddening:




I can report that Control Group held up remarkably well: As the first to be SCIENCE clipped, it lasted nearly three seconds before the Black Binder Clip of SCIENCE broke it in two, and I can report that I then was stunned and shocked for about three seconds, as well. I had underestimated the emotional impact that breaking Control Group would have on me -- and the sadness I felt at Control Group's sacrifice was mitigated only by:

1. Fear for what would happen when I turned the Black Binder Clip of SCIENCE on Immortal Twinkie, and

2. Secretly wondering if Control Group would somehow regenerate and form two Control Groups, which would be just about the coolest thing I could imagine, until

3. Human society was conquered by sentient Control Group Peppermint Patties, which would not be cool at all, but at least would get everyone to stop talking about how robots will eventually enslave us, because

4. The threat never comes from where you think it's coming from. Do you really think the dinosaurs expected to be wiped out by an asteroid? No. They were concerned about cholesterol. Which is why

5. I get especially worried whenever my doctor starts harping on my cholesterol, because it makes me think an asteroid impact is imminent.

But I digress. After the shock of breaking apart Control Group wore off, and well into the time when I should have been doing something productive with my time, I put the Black Binder Clip of SCIENCE on Immortal Twinkie.

And I learned that even Immortals have their weaknesses:




You can kind of see the dark indentation, in the lower right there, where the Binder Clip bit into the Twinkie before I called a halt to this cruelty. But Immortal Twinkie held out longer than Control Group -- nearly a minute before the remorseless crunch of the Binder Clip got to it.



Day 35 is here.