Even I am a little surprised just how mad I STILL am about this. (My Enemies List, 11)

I can't believe it's been over 8 months since I've added to this, but I've got a new one.

Sunday, I was heading downtown to my office, the boys in the back, for a little busywork before we went to play golf. To get to my office, I have to drive past State Street, a pedestrian mall. I could see, approaching the intersection, that there were a lot of people on each side of the street waiting to cross my road, which was very light on traffic -- I was the only car for about a block.

I could also see I had the green light.

Nevertheless, the groups of people on each side of the intersection hit that critical mass where pedestrians just decide to go, figuring at least 90% of them will make it even if I'm homicidal, and they all started walking.

That's not who I'm adding to the list, though -- that would be too easy, just adding all those jerks who crossed against the light and could't wait 3 seconds until my car went through.

No, I'm adding one specific person to the list. I'll call her:

Lady who knew what she was doing was wrong, but
tried to justify it via a weird look on her face.

As that name implies, there was one lady, in the middle-to-back of the pack, who started crossing, with her boyfriend or husband, and she looked at the Don't Walk signal, and the green light, and then looked at me, made a sort of weird apologetic look, and kind of shrugged and held up her hand.

That did not help. It made it worse. I don't know what the look/shrug/hand was supposed to communicate -- something like "Gosh, I really have to just do this even though I shouldn't, so don't blame me because I'm at least cognizant of what the problem is here," I suspect -- but what the look actually communicated was a kind of smug false humility; by trying to tell me she knew what she was doing was wrong but she had to for some reason do it anyway -- society? peer pressure? time constraints? Something made her go -- this lady actually made herself worse in my eyes.

It's one thing to just be callously self-involved to the point of ignoring traffic and rules for no reason, to get three seconds ahead of the game and just go about your business.

It's another thing, entirely, to do that, but to also call attention to the fact that you're doing it and to try to justify it -- instead of, say, taking a stand and staying on the sidewalk. Breaking the rules isn't okay just because other people do it, and isn't okay if you acknowledge you're doing it.

I bet that lady eats grapes in the produce aisle and justifies it by saying that they're overpriced anyway. I bet she stole her neighbor's paper, on more than one occasion. I bet she doesn't vote because she figures it won't matter. She is, in short, the type of selfish person I despise, but worse, because she knows it but tries to get around it by claiming there's a reason for her selfishness.

She's that type of person.

So, no, lady. I don't understand. I don't forgive you. I'm still mad almost two days later, mad mostly because you made it clear that you knew you were inconveniencing me. You're the worst one of the bunch and you just made the enemies list.


Other People Who've Already Made My Enemies List:


1. People who honk their horn.

2. Pepperoni pizza.

3. The 2008 Detroit Lions.

4. The guy who programmed my cell phone camera, etc. etc....

5. The guy whose house I'm stalking.

6. Water, because of it's natural tendency to expand when it freezes.

7. Anyone who ever turns left (except me.)

8. People who are just a little too serious about online "friendships."

9. Advertisers who think that the best way to sell something is to show how disgusting it sounds when people eat it.

Also 9 because I don't know how to number things: Patchy The Pirate.

10. People who want it "their way" at a restaurant.


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