Stupid Things Noel Gallagher, some idiotic washed up British Rocker, said in his GQ interview, ranked.

Noel Gallagher is apparently some part of Oasis, which apparently was some sort of band, which a certain sort of person (jerks) idolized because they made a record once that was like number 3 on the British charts, which is like being number 477 on American charts.  This "Noel" person gave an interview to GQ back in 2013. I read this interview here, two years later, because Drew Magary, a writer I previously respected, linked to it on Twitter and said to elect "Noel" president.

I read it and as I tweeted to Drew Magary:

...@drewmagary I mean jesus that guy deserves to be locked in a barrel full of eels.

— BrianePagel (@BrianePagel) November 8, 2015

Here, from least-stupid to most-stupid, are all the stupid things Noel Gallagher said in this interview.  Mixed in are AMAZING FACTS ABOUT NOEL GALLAGHER, like this one:

AMAZING FACT ABOUT NOEL GALLAGHER: his brother hated Noel so much that he started a band without even telling Noel!

14. "Banal pop music... what I think is: everybody's winning out of it... The geezer who's writing the f***ing shit tunes-- he's winning."

QUOTE FROM WIKIPEDIA ABOUT NOEL GALLAGHER:

Be Here Now (1997) became Oasis' most eagerly anticipated album to date. As with the previous two albums, all the tracks were written by Gallagher. After an initial blaze of publicity, positive critical reviews, and commercial success, the album failed to live up to long-term expectations, and public goodwill towards Be Here Now was short-lived. The album was ultimately regarded by many as a bloated, over-indulgent version of Oasis

13. "I'm all right when I'm drunk."

12. "I've seen seeds in Coldplay's dressing room... Where's the parrot?"

11.

Interviewer: Who would you build a statue of?

LIAM: Les Dawson.

10.  "I only read factual books...novels are just a waste of f***ing time. ...I just end up thinking 'this isn't f***ing true."

AMAZING FACT ABOUT NOEL GALLAGHER: 

He used his earnings from that band he was in to buy numerous cars and swimming pools, despite being able to neither drive nor swim.

9.  "Book sellers, book readers, book writers, book owners-- f*** all of them."

8:

NOEL: "Novels... I'm not having it.... that doesn't happen in real life."

Interviewer: But do you like films?

NOEL: Yeah I love films.

INT: But films aren't real. Do you sit watching them, thinking 'oh this isn't real'? 

NOEL: Well you've presented me with a dilemma there. But say my favorite film The Good, The Bad And The Ugly, now that might've happened.

AMAZING FACT ABOUT NOEL GALLAGHER: He said that if he championed a band they were guaranteed success, calling them Noelrock. The bands he championed? The Boo Radleys. Ocean Colour Scene. Cast. Go listen to your Boo Radleys Greatest Hits album right now man!

7. "Novels and the people who write them... my 68 million records beat your one book."

6. "The root of all that is bad in the world. Religious... preachers....when you see these people standing on soapboxes banging on about religion or politics."

QUOTE FROM WIKIPEDIA ABOUT NOEL GALLAGHER:

throughout his career, many of his songs have mentioned God ("Carry Us All", "Gas Panic!," "The Hindu Times" and "Little by Little"), and all the tracks he had contributed to Dig Out Your Soul,,,, have lyrics and references to God and other biblical terms. Dig Out Your Soul has been described by Gallagher as a "religious Armageddon".

QUOTE NUMBER 2 FROM WIKIPEDIA ABOUT NOEL GALLAGHER:

Gallagher has spoken about his political views on several occasions, most notably when he visited Tony Blair at No. 10 Downing Street in 1997. In an interview in 1997 when he was asked about why he visited Blair he replied, "I've taken a lot of flack for going to No. 10 Downing Street but the thing about that is, I never considered myself a rebel anyway. 

[WIKIPEDIA HAS WAY MORE NOTES OF 'NOEL' 'banging on about... politics'.]

5. "Don't ask the man on the street. He's a c***. That's why he's the man on the street, not the man eating f***ing mini sausages at four in the afternoon." (NOTE: The interview was in a fancy restaurant over mini sausages.)

SPECIAL NOTE SHOWING HOW DUMB IT WAS OF THE INTERVIEWER TO SUCK UP TO GALLAGHER:

Noel: ...what f***ing winds me up about books...

INT: This is already the best sentence I've ever heard.

...

Noel: People who write... books are f***ing putting themselves a tiny bit above the rest of us.

INT: Thing is, I write books and...

Noel: Hey, I know you write books and all that shit....Do you write novels? Don't tell me you write novels.

INT: I've written a novel.

Noel: What was it about?

INT: About a guy who sees a girl...

Noel: Here we go. Already the shittiest book of all time. 

4. [On his brother Liam trying to ride a dog at a bar]: "Liam's got a touch of the Red Indian when he has a drink. When the Europeans went to America they got the Red Indians pissed and bought Alaska off them for a f***ing milk bottle top. Wahoo! Firewater!"

3, "I don't like litter... you get caught dropping litter you get your head chopped off."

AMAZING FACT ABOUT NOEL GALLAGHER: 

He thinks litter is comprised of doughnuts: 

"If you're going to buy a doughnut, eat the f***ing doughnut. Don't have a bite and then chuck it on the floor." 

2,  "I'd have made a brilliant assassin. Sniper. Sitting in a tree for four months on the off chance."

1. "People shouldn't work weekends unless they work in the service industry and they're getting paid double time....That's how wars start.... if terrorism had the weekend off, eventually they'd have a year off. Eventually they'd go F*** this, blowing up shit? Football's on."