TV Shows I'll Write Someday (#1)

Celebrity Court: Be a contestant on "Celebrity Court," the show where average people represent Celebrities in their legal battles!

Each contestant gets assigned a celebrity to represent. The contestants have to appear with the celebrity and have the celebrity tell their side of the story to a judge and a jury. The contestant then argues -- in front of a live studio audience -- why their celebrity should win their case. The celebrities will also meet with an expert celebrity witness and taped portions of those meetings will be shown during breaks.

The show will on two nights. The first night is the presentation of the celebrities' case, and the second is the results night. Overnight, viewers can call to vote which celebrity should win. On Results night, there will be three possible outcomes: The judge, the jury, and the viewer call-ins. Each contestant picks a result they want: they can choose judge, jury, or call-ins, and then the results are revealed. A contestant who loses 'his' or 'her' case can then appeal to the live studio audience to vote to overturn the results.

Potential disputes and celebrities abound: Want to settle Britney's custody battle? Concerned that Michael Jordan might continue to be accused of fathering kids? Think Gary Coleman should have gotten his money?

If you've ever thought: Boy, I sure wish I could be more directly involved in a celebrity's life and maybe make some money off of it? (Hello, Joe Simpson!). Or if you've ever told someone I'd show those guys how to live their lives, then now is your chance to put up or shut up with Celebrity Court!

Movies I'll Write Someday, #1:

"4 Ever"

Brady is dead, but can't move onto the afterlife until he finds someone to look after his widow, Jane.

Lola has died, too, and won't rest in peace until she locates the perfect spouse for her former fiance, Toby.

Can these two "high-spirited" ghosts help the living and maybe find a way to live happily ever afterlife?

Brady and Jane, Lola and Toby:

2Be + 2Gether = 4 Ever!

What Thinking The Lions Means...

Thinking The Lions originally started out as a place for me to tell stories about my life and what I thought about those things; I decided, the time I tried to buy a refrigerator and it went badly, that I could either get upset about things, or laugh about them. I tried to laugh about them, and Thinking The Lions became a code, in my mind, for trying to make the best of a bad situation. Here's all the essays that help show how to be always Thinking The Lions:

Silence is golden, which means I am the world's richest man.

Life Is One Big Spearfish Falls, and other reasons I missed a week of work.


My toaster is still insufficiently cool, but now it's mocking me.

Of silly computers, time-travel, and, most importantly, ME.

Purple is a fruit. (a/k/a, I'm really trying to be healthy.)

I really think this says something about me, or society, or both.

The best laid plans of mice and men sometimes lead you to inadvertently learn how to classify apples.

Mr Bunches' Victory Garden, or how I learned to stop worrying and love my yard.

Lunchmeat that isn't, a scatological zebra joke, and khaki pants: This post has EVERYTHING.

What We Really Need Are More Songs With A "Yodel Outro."

I Think I Set A World Record For Almost Dying.

The Pancakes of Time Get Their Revenge

Be afraid. Be very... well, be at least mildly afraid, and then overreact, possibly by high-fiving for Jesus.

The Grasshopper and The Ice Cream

The Jammed Ketchup Bottle Move, and Other Graduation Memories.

Just Another Routine Story

Now is the time for all good men and women to come to the aid of... me.

Has Anyone Ever Stopped To Consider That I Might Be Pro-Oxidant?

He's An Extraordinary Machine.

Maybe You Could Order A Few To Tide You Over.

Praise You Like A Shoe.

I Wish I Was A Muppet

Unraveling The Mysteries Of Life

Compared To This, Snake Canyon Was Nothing

But The Hardest Thing To Do Is Sing It The Way They Wrote It

Five Bucks for A Bottle Of Wine? You Can Tell Sweetie Picked A Winner.

The Egg Salad Incident

Also Broke Zarathustra

If you strike me down, I shall only become more powerful.

Sweetie and I Go To A Midnight Movie.

The Surprise Is That There's No Surprise.

What I'm Doing For The Holidays

Charity Begins At Home, Travels To The Grocery Store, Then Goes Back Home Again To Fall Asleep.

The Septathlon: Me vs. The Kids.

Basketball.

Golf

Racquetball

Like what you read here? Check out my collection of published essays:

Thinking The Lions, and 117* Other Ways To Look At Life (*Give Or Take)

Buy it here.