Actual Things I Thought While On My Way To Milwaukee For A Deposition And Also Listening To Regina Spektor's New Album For The First Time

Song ONE: Boy. Only three notes into this CD and I already like it.



_____________________________________

When did I turn off cruise control? Is that why I'm slowing down?

_____________________________________

There's a lot of WOOOOS in this song. I wonder if she just couldn't think how to end it and kind of made up sounds at the end. I wonder if she's British. The British are always good at putting nonsense words into songs. I could never do that. I'm too self-conscious to write a song that just has nonsense words. Although If I Was Paul McCartney did have a whistle part.

_____________________________________

SONG 2: Whenever a slow song comes on after a fast song, I always imagine a DJ saying "We're gonna slow it down for you."

_____________________________________

I guess this song isn't slow after all. Fooled me.

_____________________________________

I always get kind of a scared feeling when I see the sign for "Wales." In my mind, I can still hear my mom saying "If you don't behave, you're going to Wales."

_____________________________________

I miss the Happy Barn.

_____________________________________

SONG THREE: I already like this song, too. I wonder if this could be my next Graceland. Graceland was the only album I ever liked all of. Weird, after all this time and all this music that I never liked another album in its entirety. The Violent Femmes came close on their first album, though. I should get their album Hallowed Ground. I never heard that whole album. I wonder if the witch lady whose house was featured on the cover of that album is still around. She was creepy. That whole house was creepy.

_____________________________________

SONG FOUR: Peppy. So far, so Graceland.

_____________________________________

"I got a perfect body/'cause my eyelashes catch my sweat." I'd like to use that in conversation.

_____________________________________

I probably shouldn't be writing + driving.

_____________________________________

What's that billboard say? "Crystal Farms?" I don't like that. It sounds too science-y for a farm. The company should be called something more homey. Like Kristen's Farms. Or Kiki's Farms. Or Coco's Farms.

_____________________________________

SONG FIVE: The pressure's really on me to like this, now. Do I? I don't know, yet.

_____________________________________

I wonder if we'll ever have personalized billboards and ads like that Tom Cruise movie. Not Mission Impossible. The other one. The one about the future. This song probably made me think of that with that line "The future. It's here."

_____________________________________

SONG SIX: I like this one. I'm still not sure about that last one, though.

_____________________________________

I wonder if my gas gauge is working. It was almost on E but then it rose up to nearly 1/4, and now it's almost on E again. I wouldn't really know if it was broken until I ran out of gas, would I? No, that's not right. I could go fill up the gas tank and see if it works, then, and even if it didn't I'd know I had 12 gallons of gas.

_____________________________________

Song SEVEN: I like this one, too. But the fact that the rest of them are so good is just making Song Five seem more iffy.

_____________________________________

I don't know if I want to like the whole album, anyway. Now that I think about it, it's kind of cool that in my whole entire life, only one album has ever been so good that I liked every single song on it, a record that's never been broken. Then again, it might be neat to have a second Graceland.

_____________________________________

"A record that's never been broken." Back when Graceland came out, that would have been a pun. But would anyone get it, now?

_____________________________________

SONG EIGHT: started off good. I think there's a tuba in this song.

_____________________________________

Driving into it, Milwaukee is an ugly city. People should give some thought to what you see entering a city. Madison is an ugly city to drive into, too, from all but one way.

_____________________________________

What'd that billboard say? "Howdy?" With a Pepsi logo in the O? What's that supposed to be about? Isn't Howdy a cowboy thing? Why is that in Milwaukee? And is it the Pepsi Logo?

_____________________________________

SONG NINE: Catchy.

_____________________________________

Whoa. Since when is this exit on the left?

_____________________________________

I lived in Milwaukee for five years and I still navigate randomly around the city, hoping to stumble onto the street I need. Then again, that's how I get around Madison, too, and I've lived there for 14 years.

_____________________________________

Why isn't our lane moving?

_____________________________________

Now my gas light is on. So I guess the gauge is working, because it says E.

_____________________________________

SONG TEN: This one's good, too. I might have to re-listen to song five. But I didn't have to do that for Graceland. Those songs just all won me over right away.

_____________________________________

"Under African Skies," on reflection, wasn't all that great a song. I mean, it was okay, but not great.

_____________________________________

I hate driving through parking garages. Why is visitor parking not until the sixth floor?

_____________________________________

SONG ELEVEN: Not bad, I guess. But I'm here now. I'll have to finish it later. I thought I'd have enough time to listen to the whole CD on the way here.

_____________________________________

3 hours, 37 minutes later:


_____________________________________

I wonder what the people on the elevator would've said if when the tall guy who got on first hit "2" and then the mean lady who got on second hit "5" and then I hit "6", if after all that, I'd looked at them and said "I win."

_____________________________________

I thought I left off on Song 11, but it's song 12 now. What happened? Should I go back?

_____________________________________

That is a nice car. I wonder if people who park convertibles with the tops down spend the entire day worrying that someone's going to spit in their car. I would.

_____________________________________

SONG THIRTEEN: If this one turns out good, then it's all up to Song Five.

_____________________________________

Good beginning.

_____________________________________

Nice crescendo. I like it.

_____________________________________

Sweeping and melodramatic. It sounds kind of like she worked in a bit of Moonlight Sonata. Can she do that?

_____________________________________

What, it's over? That was abrupt.

_____________________________________