The first 1,000 buyers get a kiss from Sexy Cop...

... or an Angel, if you'd like.

Santa, Godzilla and Jesus Walk Into A Bar...

is now available as an eBook on your Kindle, for just $0.99.

I know, I know: You're thinking "Why would I pay ninety-nine cents for something I could read for free on your blog?"

What? You weren't thinking that? You were still stuck on that kiss from Sexy Cop or the Angel? Let's move on, here.

Here's 5 reasons why you'd pay $0.99 for an ebook you already read for free on my blog:

1. If you download it to your Kindle, you can read it on the subway and that cute girl, the one with the glasses that make her look all smart/sexy, will notice you reading it and think you're hip and strike up a conversation.

2. It gives you a perfectly legitimate reason for typing "Godzilla" into the search bar of your Kindle, as opposed to all those other times when you did it just to see what came up.

3. It'll irritate your husband/wife/Republicans/Democrats/that jerk neighbor with his dog who's always cutting across your lawn. (Choose one or more.) I don't know how it will irritate them, but it will. Take my word for it.

4. In the e-book version, it's easier to picture the Angel and Sexy Cop looking like whoever it is you're currently all hung up on and fantasizing about.

5. I've deleted the posts off my blog so you can't read them for free anymore, and you're going to want to re-read this story about a zillion times, right?


PLUS! A SPECIAL BONUS REASON FOR WHY YOU SHOULD GO DOWNLOAD THIS BOOK!

6. Because I thought we were friends, man. I thought we meant something to each other. I'd totally do it for you. You know, if I could have a million dollars, or the chance to buy your book for $0.99 on my Kindle, I would totally pick buy your book for $0.99 on the Kindle.

No, wait. That's stupid. I would take the million dollars and then I would buy two of your books. Maybe three. That's what kind of guy I am. So you millionaires reading this blog, go buy three copies of my book on the Kindle. The rest of you, buy one, will you? Or at least go give it a good review. Because I'm also going to do this: If you go review my book -- you don't even have to buy it, and you don't have to give it a good review -- I will enter your name in a drawing to get a signed copy of the proof version of the hardcover (which isn't even available yet.) I'll hold that open for about 30 days to give you a chance, even though you could go do it right now.

That's Boss-level stuff, there: An original, demo copy signed by me. And it'll carry an inspiring quote, like "Chase your dreams" or "What's black and white and red all over?"*, to boot.

So:

Go buy the book on your Kindle.

Or click here to go leave a review of "Santa, Godzilla, and Jesus Walk Into A Bar..."

Or just Kindle it up. I'm trying to make that a verb: Kindle. Work with me, here.



*A communist penguin, that's what.