1001 Levers To Move The World, Number Seventy-Nine

This was previously titled 1001 ways to fine-tune the world, but I changed it.

79: Let's get a uniform system for saying, and repeating, numbers, addresses and the like.


This JUST HAPPENED to me, and it happened twice already today, so there is clearly a need for this lever.

Here's what I'm talking about. I say to you "I'll give you my email address, are you ready?"

And you say: "Yeah," because you're ready.

And I say "Okay, it's thetroublewithroy,"

And then all heck breaks loose, in a very minor way, because one of several reactions happens then:

I might pause to let you take that down, while you write it down without saying anything, in which case I'll wonder if you heard me and might say "Did you get that?" or I might start on the next portion of it.

Or you might begin to repeat what I've told you to confirm that you heard it correctly, thereby talking over me as I go on to the next portion of the address.

Or we might do both and repeatedly stumble over each other as we try to sort out who should be talking about what, a verbal dance similar to what happens when two people meet in a narrow hall.

Earlier today, I had to take down a phone number from a guy on the phone, and here (with the exception of a fake number being inserted) is exactly what happened:

Me: Okay, go ahead.

Him: 1-555 [pause]

Me: 1-555... [pause]

Him: [Starting to talk as I began to repeat his numbers during pause] 867-

Me: What?

Him: What?

Me: I got...

Him: Let me begin again.

And so on.

So here's what I say: everytime you have to dictate something for someone to right down, pause at each natural break, after which that person will repeat what you said, and then you'll go on.

So it'd be:

Speaker: 1-555

Listener: 1-555

Speaker: 867

Listener: 867

Speaker: 5309.

Listener: 5309.

Prior entries:

78. A "Stay-On" Button On Your TV that you have to press every 20 minutes to keep the TV on.

77. Directional lanes in grocery stores.

76. Accept tennis shoes.

75. Whenever news sources cite "people's opinions," they should also tell what percentage of respondents that opinion represents.

74. Stand-up comic radio over the airwaves.

73. Reliability checkers for Internet sites.

72. Staggered work start times for different streets in cities.

71. Personal Upright Transport Devices

70. Don't Vote.

69. Launch garbage into space.

68. Stop bleeping out words.

67. Just say thanks.

66. Change the side of the road people drive on about every 10 years.

65. Get rid of those mid-forearm buttons on men's shirts.

64. Make spray bottles work when tilted.

63. Pay teachers a lot more.

62. Longer school years.

61. Longer school days.

60. Paparazzi-fy The News.

59. Make refrigerators wider and shallower.

58. Let everyone use "forever pricing" on everything.

57. Start all buildings on the first floor.

56. Process EVERYTHING.

55. Make children's toys solar- or kinetic-powered.

54. Abandon the north.

53. Give in and have computers start remembering things for us.

52. Make cups and glasses wider on the bottom. (All cups and glasses.)

51. Sometimes easier is harder (and dumber.)

50. Don't lather, rinse, repeat (I'm going somewhere with this...)

49. Ban cigarettes.

48. Use metered lanes to close a lane when doing traffic repairs, thereby avoiding long backups when jerks opt to ignore the lane closing signs.

47. Switch to a parliamentary form of government with proportional representation. (If you already do that, then stick with it.)

46. Quit Cell Phone Charger Thinking.

45. Create an Internet Superhighway, giving high-speed Internet access to everyone, everywhere.

44. Stop teaching any math past algebra and geometry to almost everybody, and instead just provide a general theory of math to high schoolers.

43. Launch people to Mars. Or even further.

42. Think nice things, and then say them.

41. Get the cheapest toothpaste possible, then use the money you save to do some good in the world.

40. Allow gay marriage.

39. Stop describing things as "hell" or "hard work" when they're not at all.

38. Accept the idea that eventually we're going to have to pay for stuff on the Internet.

37. Spell your kids' names the right way.

36. Look up more often.

35. Put people before pets.

34. Share the profits with employees, directly and frequently.

33. Dress up, at least a little, in public.

32. Apply the "Line Pass" philosophy to everything (including some government services).

30/31. Impose a luxury tax that increases exponentially the more people spend/Never watch another Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie movie again.

29. What's so great about mom-and-pop stores and farms?

28. No more long answering machine or voice mail greetings.

27. Stop federal support of student loans.

26. Require everything we build, from here on out, to get at least some of its power from the sun or the wind.

25. Do an "Oklahoma Land Rush" in the cities.

24. Personalized Candy Bar Making Machines.

23. Learn new languages just for fun.

22. Opposite yourself.

21. Just like dandelions.

20. Why not have Radio-DVRs?

19. Start treating health care like what it is: a universal, inherent right of all people.

18. Baseball should have a shorter season and shorter games.

17. Open the borders. Everywhere.

16. Just start DVDs without all the preliminaries, please.

15. Just allow colleges to pay athletes, already.

14. Don't get married before you're 30.

13. Ban driving any kind of automobile, motorcycle or other personal vehicle within 1-2 miles of downtown in any city with a population of more than 100,000.

12. Abolish gym class; instead, teach kids to play musical instruments.

11. Change copyright laws to allow anyone to use anyone else's creative work provided that the copier pay 60% of the profit to the originator and that the copier not cast the original work in a negative light.

10. Have more sidewalk cafes and outdoor seating.

9. When you have to give someone a gift, ask them what they want, and then get that thing for them.

8. Never interrupt or finish someone's jokes.

7. Periodically, give up something you like for at least a month.

6. Switch to "E-money."

5. Have each person assigned one phone number, and then add an extension for the various phones and faxes that person might be reached at.

4. Abolish Mondays and Tuesdays.

3. Don't listen to interviews with athletes or comedians.

2. Have "personal cashiers" at the grocery store.

1. Don't earn more than $200,000 per year.





Is this working? You bet --

1001 Ways also helped change the world here!

And

1001 Ways also helped change the world here!

and

1001 Ways helped change the world here, too!

And here, I not only changed the world but proved that everyone in the world is either dumb, or mean.