Stuff they don't teach you in school: 41 down, 9,019 to go.

I used to have two pairs of brown pants.

Or sort of brown pants. One was whitish-gray-brown, but I still thought of them as my "brown" pants because I could wear them with my brown sport coat, and I also had to wear my brown shoes with them, the brown shoes that I've had for over a year now and which I can't stand because they have never gotten broken in. They're awfully uncomfortable and a little too large so my feet slide in them just the tiniest little bit and I try not to ever wear them, which means never really wearing any of my "brown" outfits, which is sad because my "brown" outfits include the corduroys that I love.

Then I had no brown pants, because The Boy started his job one day and needed a pair of dress pants to wear and hadn't bothered to tell us so we didn't go get him some, so I gave him my spare pair of "brown" pants and I was down to one pair, but not for long, because Sweetie could never tell which pair of pants I'd given to The Boy and which I'd retained for me. That wasn't her fault; I couldn't tell either.

So I had no brown pants because they both ended up mostly being in The Boy's room, which I can't go into because it gives me a headache to see how messy it is, so messy that he lost his cell phone in there the other day.

Then Sweetie bought me a pair of brown pants over the weekend, and so today I wore the "brown" outfit, terrible shoes and all. And I took all the tags off before I put them on this morning.

And it wasn't until I was sitting in court questioning a witness at 11:45 a.m. that I realized I still had the clear sticker running down the thigh, the sticker that says "42x32" on it.

I coolly peeled it off and crumpled it up and put it into my sportcoat pocket and kept on questioning the witness. And that is something they don't teach you in law school.

Song 41: The Underdog, by Spoon:



Down...to go is the musical accompaniment to my life: All the songs on my iPod. Read about song 40 here.



Ampersand

Ampersand
by

brianefp

Did she really say I would be likely to get a crocodile to babysit the kids? "
Thinking The Lions and 117* Other Ways To Look At Life (Give Or Take) is for sale... all the great essays that no longer appear on this website. The funny (My Christmas Tree Rules!), the timeless ("I Even Have Some Warning Labels Left Over") and the earth-shatteringly tremendous (Velociraptors, My Butt!) are all here. Relive old times with me, The Boy, Older and Middle, Mr F and Mr Bunches, and, of course, the ever-patient Sweetie! All true, all real... and all funny.