Thursday, January 26, 2012

I Don't Want Another Gosh Darn Question, I Want Answers...! (Middle)


Is it right to follow the rules? Should there even be rules in the first place? If one makes their own rules should they be hard to follow? If it’s too hard to follow then should they be changed? Or should people just live life without worrying about any rules?

These are some questions that I have been asking myself lately. I don’t have any answers for any of them and with each new day I have a new question. And let me tell you it is really not easy going through each day attempting to live life with numerous questions running through your head.

I wake up in the morning and I think to myself ‘maybe today will be the day that I meet someone’ or maybe today will be the day that I get that big break and get a job that actually pays enough so I can have health insurance as well as be able to pay for all of my bills and not have to get a second job.’ Or ‘maybe today will be different.’ But none of these so called days are any different than the previous day.

I set rules for myself to make sure that I don’t lose anything or to make sure that I get what I want without hurting the ones that I care about. But I am thinking that maybe without these “rules” my life will flow into something better.

I am not saying that I have a bad life by any means but to me all that I do is work and when payday comes around twice a month both of my paychecks go to bills or student loan payments and I am left with nothing to bring me joy. It also leaves me with a sense of ‘I do not want to work every day and not be able to go to a movie that I want to see because if I do I will not be able to pay my phone bill’ and ‘now I have to get a second job because now that my health insurance will be deducting money from my paychecks I need to work another job in order to pay my bills which now leads me to zero personal time to spend how I want to.’

I don’t want to have these thoughts anymore. I want to live a life where one job is enough. Where if I want to go to a movie I won’t have to budget three months out in order to see if I can spend that $10 dollars to go and have a little fun.

When does life get too much for one person to handle? Why are there so many questions and no answers? But then that would make life normal, right?

4 comments:

Briane P said...

Things get better.

Andrew Leon said...

Um, no... what you're going through is normal. It is the abnormal person that doesn't spend all of their time working and not worrying about bills. What you're going through is called being in the 99%. Not just in America, but in the world. And throughout history.
And I can't say it gets better. For some people, sometimes, it gets better, but I don't know if that kind of statement can be generalized.
I haven't been out to a movie in 6 months, so I know how you feel.

Middle said...

I am hoping that things get better but just writing that all out made me feel a tad bit better...

anna. said...

maybe it's because i'm a middle child too, but all her posts resonate with me. GO MIDDLE. YOU CAN MAKE IT THROUGH ANYTHING. because if you can, hopefully we all can too.