Saturday, November 08, 2008

The fire was a good gift, though. I have to admit that.

The gods have done a lot for mankind in the past-- giving us fire and creating us in their image and then creating things like cheese with salami in it, but they've never done anything REALLY cool until now -- when the Gods have created the Postergods Blog, a poster blog you can't believe until you see it (just like salami cheese, I know, but better and more poster-y).

The Postergods Blog was created by the Postergods for one simple purpose: to get me (and, well, YOU) information on the posters tht Postergods' blog showcases, posters that you can get at amazing prices. Awesome posters at amazing prices. Amazing posters at awesome prices. The Postergods Blog is awesomely amazing. While reading about the posters they've got there (and clicking through the links to, I've bought a bunch of posters from them already, posters to decorate Middle's dorm next year, posters to put up in the rec room, posters to put up in our bedroom.

The Postergods Blog is especially helpful now, when you're looking for presents for the office Christmas gift exchange, or that nephew you don't really know, or just a stocking stuffer for your kids. Especially hot right now? "Twilight" posters -- your kids loved the books and are looking forward to the movie, so get the Postergods blog version of the poster for them today! It's the same poster your kids will be seeing at the movie house, in the magazines, and all around town, and you can get it for them from the Postergods -- a poster you wouldn't have heard about if not for the Postergods blog telling you about it and making it available before the movie even hits the theaters.

The featured poster right now is timely, too -- a poster of Kobe Bryant of the Lakers, right at the start of basketball season; the post tells why the poster will be so hot, and thus Postergods blog does another valuable service, giving you timely information on a poster that you probably didn't even know existed before the Postergods blog told you about it.

The Postergods blog has sports posters, movie posters, and they're adding new posters all the time. Check it out today. Here's that link one more time for you, so you can visit and bookmark the Postergods Blog and find out about the hot new posters available at excellent prices from The Postergods.

And you thought salami cheese was a big deal.

Do you like stuff?

If you do, then you'll like The Best of Everything. The Best of Everything Tells You What's The Best -- and to prove it, here's everything that's ever been the best...


Ability to Restructure Something From An Atomic Level

Absolutely the Last Best Version of The Lion Sleeps Tonight.

Actor to Play God in A Movie Or TV Show, Best

Actor Who's So Lame He's Cool, Best

Adams, Douglas

Advice Columnist, Best

Alien Chick, Best-Looking

All Your Base Are Belong To Us

A Long Way Down

american (example of how to be one)

Amityville Horror

Andy Richter Controls The Universe

Anthony, Saint

Anthropomorphic animal superhero, best

anyone lived in a pretty how town


Apple Martin

Apple, Fiona

April Fool's Day

Artificial Flowers

Ashlee Simpson

Ashley Olsen


Atom, The

Author Who I Have Exactly 39 Reasons for Liking, Best.

Author Who Totally Lost It, Best

"A Wonderful Life," Rosa Chance Well


Bad Santa

"Bad Touch, The"

Banana Slugs

Band that Captured Exactly What It Feels Like To Be A Teenager (Even When It's Not Really That Bad), Best


Banks, Elizabeth

Bar -- the kind you walk into

Batman Movie, Best... So Far


Beatles, again, in a different context.

Belichick, Bill

Ben & Jerry's

Bell, The

"Best Video On Youtube"

Big Rock Candy Mountain

Billy Pilgrim in the cave


Blogger, Best

Bobby Darin's "Artificial Flowers"

Book About Monsters To Teach Kids That Monsters, And Books, Are Nothing To Be Afraid of, Best

Book I Want To Re-Read Over And Over Again, Best.

Book That I Think of When I Think of The Words "The Best Book," Best

Book That Never Existed (But Should Have), Best.

Book that Really Was Scary, Best

Book To Read In One Sitting, Best

Boyfriend on "Friends," Best.

Breakfast Cereal, Best Part Of

"Bring It On"

Bruce, Lenny


Buffalo Bills



Cadbury Creme Eggs


Candy Bar That's So Lame It's Cool, Best

Candy That's Basically Just Sugar, Best


Captain Carrot

Career An Actor Has Had After Quitting Something The Actor Should Not Have Quit, Best

Carell, Steve

Cartoon Series By Matt Groening

Cartoon Which is Good At Making Funny Barbershop Quartet Songs And Which Features A Fat Dad as A Character, Best

Caruso, David's Career As An Actor



Cash, Johnny


Cavanagh, Tom

Celebrity Baby, Best, Second Vote For

Celebrity Blog, Best

Celebrity I Don't Want To Get Sick of So Will He Please Just Stop Doing Things That Will Make Me Get Sick Of Him, Best.

Celebrity I Think I Could Hang Out With, Best

Celebrity Recipe, Best

Celebrity Who Remains Unspeakably Cool No Matter What He Does, Best

Census Taker

Cereal, Best Spokesman For

Character To Be The 12th Cylon on Battlestar Galactica, Best

Charleston Chew

Cheap Trick

Cheesecake Truck

Chef, Female, Best


Children's book, best

Choral Version of A Pop Song, Best

Christmas Is The Time To Say I Love You

Christmas, Movie

Christmas (Stolen by the Grinch)

Christmas, song

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah

Classic Video Game, Best

Cohn, Marc

"Come Sail Away"

Commercial, Best Song From

Comic Strip That's So Lame It's Cool, Best

"Common People"


Copperfield, David (the book, not the magician)

Cornwell, Patricia

Cow, interrupting

cummings, e e


College mascots

Colts, Indianapolis

Comedian, who's so lame he's cool, Best.

Comic book villain (Venom)

Comic, one-panel

Comic Strip To Learn From, Best


C.S. Lewis


Dan Savage

Dark Knight, The

Dava Sobel

Day to have off for a Holiday, Best

Decade, Best For Style

Decade, Best for Style, reader nominee

DeGeneres, Ellen

Detective, Television's Best

Diamond, Neil

Dickens, Charles, Best Book

Dirk Gently

Disney Cartoon, Best

Doctorow, Cory

Don't Be Cruel


Dr. Manhattan

Dramatic Look, Best Variation On

Duncan Idaho

Dungy, Tony


Easter Candy, Best

Elizabeth Banks

Ellen DeGeneres

Elvis Presley

Elvis, Best Version of (Lame or Cool)

Emotion that's so Lame It's Cool, Best

Espacio Sideral


Evil Supercomputer in a Movie, Best


Fall Line

Family Event That's So Lame It's Cool, Best

Family Guy

Fantasy Book Series Featuring Talking Animals, Best.

Fantasy Trilogy, Best

Fantasy World, Best To Live In

Fashion Accessory To Tell The World That Although You Are Smart And All, You Are Still Sexy (Tina Fey Excluded), Best

Fatboy Slim

Female Chef, Best


Fifties, The

Fight Club


Fiona Apple

Flavor of Jelly Bean, Best

Football team

Freaky Hippy Cult That For Some Reason Is Used To Sell You Stuff, Best


Fried Peanut Butter & Banana Sandwiches

Friends: The Lion Sleeps Tonight

Friends, Best Boyfriend On



Gaffigan, Jim

Galveston Island

Game shows


"Get Your Stinking Paws Off of Me, You Damn Dirty Ape!"

Gimmick/Symbol In A Book, Best

Girl Genius



A Good and Happy Child


Gossiple, Best...Again.


Grant, Hugh


Green Card

Green Lantern's Ring


Groovy Instrument, Best


Guinea Pigs

Guitarist, Best



Happy Celebrity

Happy Song, Best

Heinlein, Robert

Hey, Jude

High School mascots

Hilton, Paris

Hilton, Paris, AGAIN.

"His Dark Materials" trilogy

Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy, The

Hornby, Nick

Horror movie

Horror movie, again.

Horror movie, again again.


Hot dogs

"Hot for Teacher"

Hugh Grant



"I Am Not Your Broom"

"I am your father."

"I Don't Feel Like Dancing."

"I Kissed A Girl"

Ice cream, store-bought

Ice cream, named after a superhero

"If Love Is A Red Dress (Hang Me In Rags)"

Indianapolis Colts

Indie Rock Version of "The Lion Sleeps Tonight," Best

Internet comic

Interrupting Cow

Irving, John

It's The End Of The World As We Know It (and I Feel Fine)


Jack Johnson's "Fall Line"

"James K. Polk" (the song, not the president himself.)


Jell-O, Lime

Jelly Bean, Best Flavor of


Jerk Store

Jesse and Joy

Jessica Simpson

Job to Dream of Having When You Get A Little Tired Of Having Your Own Job, Best


And more jokes

And more jokes yet

Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell


Kentucky Fried Chicken

Kettle Corn

Kid Who Pretended To Be A Superhero, Best Book To Read If You Were

Knock-Knock Joke, Best


Kottke, Leo


Lachey, Nick

Land of the Lost

Language, Best

Lead in a romantic comedy, Best


Leni, another perspective.

Linker, Best

"Like A Drug"

Lime Jell-O


Lion Sleeps Tonight, Best Part Of

Lion Sleeps Tonight, Best and Absolutely The Last Version of

Lion Sleeps Tonight, Best Version By A Group Or Country I Have a Tenuous Connection With

Lion Sleeps Tonight, Best Version of On a TV Show.

Lion Sleeps Tonight, Best Indie Rock Version

Lisa Loeb Glasses

Little Mermaid, The



"Love Today"


Man To Claim World Record On Donkey Kong, Best

Manhattan, Dr.

Marc Cohn

March Madness

Mariner's Revenge Song

Mark Wahlberg


Marvin The Paranoid Android

Mary Kate Olsen

Mascot, Best (two in one, reader submissions!)

Matrix, The

Media Scare That Turned Out To Be Not That Big A Deal, Best

Men Without Hats


Misunderstood Comic Book Character Who's Not Actually A Villain, Best

Modern Song about the 19th Century, Best

Modest Mouse Song that Correctly Applies A Scientific Principle, Best

Monster At the End Of This Book, The

Morgan Freeman

mp3 sites

"Mr. Blue Sky"

Monk Joke

Monk, Adrian

Movie Fight Scene, best: Fight Club

Movie Fight Scene, best: Neo vs. the agents

Movie line, best

Movie line, best (new nominee)

Movie line, best (new new nominee)

Movie monster, Best


Music Craze that's so lame it's cool, best

Music for a Found Harmonium

Music Video, Best

Musical Instrument That's So Lame It's Cool, Best

"My Name Is Earl"


NCAA Tournament

Narnia Book, best

Neil Diamond

Neo (vs. all the agents)

New Pornographers

Nick Lachey

Nonfiction Book About A Topic So Lame It's Cool, Best

Norton's Fight With Tyler (Fight Scene in A Movie)

Novelty Pop Song, Best

Number, best

Number Three


Oh! Oh!

Onion, The (Copycat)

Oldfield, Mike

Olsen Twin, Best = Ashley

Olsen Twin, Best = Mary Kate

Orange & Cream Soda


"Page 28"

Parents Have A Conniption, Best Song To Make

Paris Hilton

Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch

Peanut Butter

Peanut Butter Twix

Peanuts Character Who's So Lame He's Cool, Best.

Pet (Best, 2007)

Pet, Which is So Lame It's Cool, Best

(The) Pigeon Finds A Hot Dog

Pink Floyd's The Wall

Pixie Sticks


Plain-Bellied Sneetches

Plant, Best

Playground Toy, Best

Play It, Sam...

Plot Twist In a Song Which Makes A Lame Song Cool, Best.

Polyphonic Spree, The

Popcorn Chicken

Popcorn, Best Kind of

Pop Goes The World

Pop (Soda)

Postseason Sporting Event, Best

Presley, Elvis

Prometheus vs. Zeus

Proof that My Experiments Are Not Very Well Thought Out

Public Service Announcment, Best

Punctuation Mark, Best


Queen song, Best



Rachael Ray

Rachel, The

Radio Ga Ga

Radio Tuning In, Best Song That Begins With

Ramones, The

Ranch Puffs


Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, Best Part Of

Remade Song That's Better Than The Original, Best

Return of the King, The

Robot In Literature, Best

Robot In Movies, Best

Robot In Song, Best

Robot On TV, Best


Robot, The

Rock Band, Best

Rock Band That Isn't The Beatles, Best

Rock Band That Isn't The Beatles or U2, Best

Rock Band That Isn't The Beatles or U2 or The White Stripes, Best

Rock Band That Isn't The Beatles or U2 or The White Stripes or The New Pornographers, Best

Rock In The House

Rock Island Rocks

Rocky Rococo

Rolling Stones

Romantic Song, Best

Romantic Song, Also considered Best

Rosa Chance Well, "A Wonderful Life."

Run, Devil Run (Jenny Lewis & The Watson Twins)


Sad part in a book, best

Sad song, best

Saint Anthony

Sand Game

Santa Cruz Banana Slugs

Saturday Night Live skit, Best

Savage Love

Scary Kids' Song, Best

Science Fiction Writer, Best

Secondary Character in A Book, Best

Secret Place


Selleck, Tom

Shatner, William

Sherlock Holmes Goes Camping

Showdown between Good and Evil

Simpson, Ashlee

Simpson, Jessica

Simpson Sister, Best

Sin City

Sing-Along-With Singer


Slasher Movie, Best

Sleeping Beauty

Snack food

Sneetch, Best

Snoopy vs. The Red Baron

Sobule, Jill

Soda Pop


Someone Comes To Town, Someone Leaves Town

Something That Really Happened, Best Movie About

Song About Girls Kissing Girls, Best

Song From The One/Two Hit Wonder "The Kings" First Single, Best

Song in Language Other Than English, Best

Song that Also Tells A Story, Best

Song that Is About Writing, or Being In, A Book, Best

Song That Is Incongruously Upbeat Despite Being About [SPOILER ALERT!] a Sobbing Cold Orphan Selling Flowers Before Dying, Best.

Song That Talks About Whether The Singer of The Song Feels Like Dancing Or Not, Best.

Song To Get You Through Hard Times, Best

Song to Play While The Hero is Running To Do Something Heroic, Best

Song To Turn Up At A Particular Point During The Song Just To Emphasize How Cool That Song Is

Soon I Will Be Invincible

Soweto Gospel Choir

Spellsinger Series by Alan Dean Foster.


Spoken Word Song, Best

Spongebob Squarepants

Square root of negative one

Squier, Billy

Stand-up comedian

Starbury shoes

Starry Night

State Fairs

Stinky Chair Song (aka "Da Da Da")

Story Line in The Peanuts Comic Strip, Best

Summer food

Superficial, The

Superhero: Dr. Manhattan

Superhero Gadget, Best

Superhero: Spider-Man

Superhero whose powers are so lame they're cool, Best

Superman Ice Cream

Superpower, Best

The Stand


Star Wars (the movie)

Star Wars Kid

Swing music

Switchin' To Glide

Synthesizer from "96 Tears"


Talkin' Blues, Best

Talkin' World War III Blues

Teen Movie That's So Lame It's Cool, Best

Television Show Andy Richter Starred In That Had "Andy" In The Title, Best

The Man Comes Around

They Might Be Giants

Thing You Think Is A Number But Is Not, Best


Time Waster, Best

Titan Arum

Title Character in Calvin & Hobbes, Best

Tom Selleck

Toothpaste For Dinner

"Touching The Void"

Tourist Site You've Probably Never Heard of, Best

Tournament of Pets 2007

Triumph (?) over the Devil, Best... In Books.

Triumph over the Devil, Best ... in Music.

True Companion

Tubular Bells

Tupelo Honey

TV Show That's So Lame It's Cool, Best



Urban Legend


Valentine's Day, Best Song For

Van Gogh, Vincent

Van Halen

Van Morrison


Violent Femmes

Voyage of the Dawn Treader


Wahlberg Brother (Judged Solely on the Basis of Their Least Cool Credit on IMDB), Best

... walks into a bar

The Wall

Wavy Gravy (the ice cream, not the guy)

"Weapon of Choice"

Web comic, Best

White Stripes, The

Wiebe, Steve

Willems, Mo (best children's book)


Word that's so lame it's cool, best

World Record Confirmer




Youtube, Best Video on... that you can find by searching for "the best video on youtube."






3rd Planet

Other Stuff:



Showdown September (2008)

Friday, November 07, 2008

I'm lying. I will actually sneak the Fritos in.

Our health club is doing amazingly well, from what I can see. They're renovating, adding new stuff all the time, and upgrading the machines and the televisions to watch while I work out; I'm sure it's only a matter of time before they start upgrading the clientele... which will probably involve asking me not to go there anymore.

There are better, and nicer, ways to improve your health club's bottom line than excluding me from membership, though. You could use the Online Scheduling Software or the Dance Studio Software, or any of the other Fitness Club Software available through Mindbody, a company that sells business management software for -- you guessed it-- health clubs.

Because running a health club is running a business -- it's not enough to have some ellipticals and raquetball courts. You want to maximize your customers' health while maximizing your revenues, and MindBody can do that for you. Their software helps you keep your revenue stream going by having AutoPay for memberships and contracts; it eliminates a lot of time-consuming, expensive, space-taking paper by using electronic contracts. They can help you track customers and see what they're using -- do you need more weights? Fewer exercycles? Less me? The MindBody software will let you know how to focus on what your clients want.

They can even improve the personal training aspect by helping keep your trainers in touch with the clients, and by uploading before and after photos to the clients' files.

(In my case, the before photo is actually BETTER than the after. It's a long, BBQ-Frito-related story that I'm too ashamed to discuss.

So if you run a health club, here's two pointers: (1) Check out MindBody, and (2) Let me in, please? I'll leave the Fritos outside.

36 down, 9,093 to go

To mollify Mr F, who is upset that Sweetie and I are going out for the evening to celebrate her birthday (which technically was almost a week ago, but the fun never ends in SweetieVember!), I am posting his favorite song, a song I've come to know by heart. Honestly. It doesn't sound hard to learn, but it is actually way more difficult than you'd expect. And I have mastered it. Here's song 36, "Mahna Mahna."

Rings... like the rings around Saturn, only Titaniumer.

Girls may like diamonds a lot, but that's because they don't think like boys. Boys like stuff that's COOL. And nothing is cooler than titanium.

"Titanium." Just roll that word around a bit, and think about it: what do you picture when you say "Titanium?" Right: exotic, strong, beautiful... the kind of metal that might come from one of Saturn's moons, or that might have been used by the early Greek gods to forge the gates of Olympus. Titanium.

It's not just the name that's cool and powerful and exotic; it's the metal. Smooth, polished, strong, and yet elegant. Like this:

That's one of the rings you can get at Avant Garde, a Titanium jeweler, and I wish I'd seen that before I got my wedding ring; I went with boring old platinum-and-gold, and I COULD have had Titanium with laser engraving: a ring that would last forever, like my marriage.

The rings they have over at Avant Garde range from the simple and stylish kind to those fancied up, laser-engraved kind, with great pictures on the site to check out and make sure you like what you're getting.

They've got other kinds of jewelry there, too, like a titanium necklace that Sweetie would probably like. But it's their titanium wedding bands and the other titanium rings they've got that really need to be seen to be believed.

The prices, too, are incredible -- that ring above is only $199 regularly, and it's on sale right now for $40 off.

I'm glad I stumbled across the site; it may be too late for me to get an exotic, cool wedding ring, but nothing says I can't jazz things up a little for myself now, and maybe get Sweetie some good things, too.

Thursday, November 06, 2008

35 down, 9,094 to go.

Here's a musical riddle for you:

Q: When March of the Pigs (#34) by Nine Inch Nails:

Goes head-to-head with "The Sons of Cain" (#35) by Ted Leo:

Who wins?

A: The copyright lawyers! Ha!

How could I not love a life that allows me the leisure time to compare the drum parts of songs and THEN make copyright jokes about them?

Down... to go is my life, through songs... Read about song 33 here. Got more time? Read about when I was missing only two things from my life... willpower and lids.


buy it, and other great t-shirts by clicking here

Rachel's not sure where she came from or what she's supposed to do, unless she really is trying to take over the world with a little help from her Octopus, a Valkyrie, and her lover Brigitte. Read Lesbian Zombies Are Taking Over The World!

A year ago, I didn't even know what Webhosting was. Now, I can pretend to be an expert about that, too.

Each day, I learn a little bit more about how to turn my hobbies -- writing, in this case -- into more than just a pasttime; by making my writing more lucrative, I get to spend more time doing it, which is win-win all around.

That's why I liked finding out more information about web hosting companies, using to find out which companies are the best for webhosting. makes finding the right website more than just mere chance; instead of stumbling onto, say, "wordpress" or something and hoping for the best from there, lets me (and you) review, quickly and clearly, all the various companies out there that will host your (or my) website. They've got prices, disk space, bandwidth, and even the number of domains you can have on one site, all readily available and waiting for you to click through and get more information (or sign up.)

The Internet can be a valuable tool, whether you're using it for a hobby or an occupation; but it's only as valuable as you make it, and you can make it more valuable by being informed. has the information you need to get the value you want.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

A Morning With Mr F and Mr Bunches Answers Some Questions

Looking for a post? It'll appear in my upcoming book "Life With Unicorns".  Find all my books here.

Elementary, my dear Alexander Graham Bell.

Now you can be a detective, too -- a PHONE detective. Using the Phone Number Lookup at Reverse Phone Detective, you can quickly and easily find information about any number that called you -- telemarketers, private individuals, that kid that keeps asking out your daughter even though you've TOLD him that unless he's a starting quarterback for a decent NFL team (Cleveland Browns need not apply) AND he throws in season tickets, he's not going on a date with her -- whoever is calling, whoever is trying to reach you, you can find them using just the phone number.

Just go to the site, type in a phone number, and you'll get basic info about who was calling from where-- FREE. Get even more information for a small charge; it's well worth the price.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

33 down, 9,096 to go.

I hope that before you kill time reading this today, you went and voted. I did. I voted before lunch. Well, actually, I voted before what would be lunch to anyone else, since most people eat their lunch between, say, 11:30 a.m. and 12:30 p.m. I am not most people; most people did not, today, have to get up extra early -- 6 a.m. -- and then did not have to drive to court an hour and a half away, and then most people did not find themselves driving back from court at 10 a.m. with an hour and a half of driving staring them in the face and also with the really good sandwich Sweetie made for their lunch, the fried-egg-and-ham-and-cheese sandwich, sitting there taunting them.

And most people did not then take the sandwich out of their bag at 10:15 a.m. just to look at it, I swear, and did not then realize that they also had leftover pizza as a side dish in their lunch. I know that most people did not go through that, because if they had, like I did, then most people would have eaten their lunch at 10:15, like I did, and most people would have then also opted not to eat the Cheetos because they felt guilty, like I did. (I left them in the car as a peace offering of sorts, a peace offering to the Gods Who Smite People Who Eat Their Lunch At 10:15 Because They Were Bored.)(I'll probably eat those on the way home from work, though. Sorry, Gods, etc.)

All of which led to me voting after my lunch but before your lunch. My original plan was not to vote during the day at all; it was to go vote tonight and take Mr F and Mr Bunches with me so that I could introduce them to the democratic process, and introduce the democratic process to them, and also so that if they acted up people would let me skip in line. Kids play an important role in government that way.

But I caved in to peer pressure from Sweetie (Sweetie is my only peer these days, and she pressures me all the time) and did not take them to vote with me because Sweetie thought it might throw the Republic into chaos, and also that it might not be good for them to be hauled around the polling place. Instead, I voted during the day, so tonight, I will have nothing to do but watch election coverage and put my laundry away and play with Mr F and Mr Bunches, and playing with Mr F and Mr Bunches is what inspired me to pick song 32, All For Swinging You Around, by New Pornographers:

Down... to go... is all the songs on my iPod coupled with all these things that I've done. Read about Song 32 here.

Did you know The New Pornographers Were Picked As The Best Band That Isn't The Beatles, Or U2 Or The White Stripes?


Children tormented by demons. An old man accidentally killing people. Witches who live hundreds of years and escape from Hell repeatedly. An astronaut drifting through space... these and other great stories can be found only on AfterDark: The scariest things, you CAN'T imagine.