Saturday, May 02, 2015

Remember that time I proved velociraptors never existed? Our generation's brightest scientific mind (ME!) has done it again.

Not only has Jurassic World just gone out and admitted now that they're making up dinosaurs-- and since WHEN ARE DINOSAURS NOT GOOD ENOUGH THAT WE NEED TO CREATE SUPERDINOSAURS? JEEZ what is wrong with kids today? When I was younger, we had T. Rex and we were happy! Now you need GiantOSaurus or something to chase Chris Pratt around or you won't even look up from your Flappy Birds to notice.  Get off my lawn, you kids!

Anyway, got THAT out of my system.  Now on to the main story, which is how I always am one step ahead of the world and am a pretty smart guy.

You may have heard that I happen to have written a book:

That YOU CAN BUY RIGHT NOW but of course you already bought it right? Of course you did.  PLEASE HAVE BOUGHT IT ALREADY.  I need to retire. I'm so worn out.

The point is, buy my book. Also, the other point is, in my book, I hypothesized a world in which a corporation (IT'S PROBABLY NOT GOOGLE) manages to come up with a way to convert human brains into computer code and then reload the code into a clone, creating a new kind of human being that can be modified to tweak certain traits and of course used for profit.  Ah, capitalism!

This sounded like the height of science fiction to me when I wrote it a year-and-a-half ago; I was mostly just going off a comment made by Andrew Leon and an article I'd read about how an artist was going around picking up people's DNA and using them for art (true story) and figured it would be years, maybe, before my wild imaginings were proven 100% accurate.  After all, I wrote Santa, Godzilla And Jesus Walk Into A Bar YEARS ago, and it took that long for my "Xmas Machine" to be realized as a 3D printer that can create anything, including a heart.

So who could've guessed that somehow Chinese scientists got an advanced copy of Codes and thought "That would make a great project for us!" and would, almost simultaneously with the release of my book, edit the DNA in a human embryo?  Said that article:

Scientists have been able to manipulate DNA for years. But it's long been considered taboo to make changes in the DNA in a human egg, sperm or embryo because those changes could become a permanent part of the human genetic blueprint. One concern is that it would be unsafe: Scientists could make a mistake, which could introduce a new disease that would be passed down for generations. And there's also fears it this could lead to socially troubling developments, such as "designer babies," in which parents can pick and choose the traits of their children.

Which is ripped from the pages of my book, except for the parts about the Chinese.  I guess this means I am a huge hit in China, already, and I should start figuring out how to convert yen into dollars.  Or will the bank do that for me?

Friday, May 01, 2015

I'm (mostly) back!

I'm back.  My trip was for a three-day trial in the above courthouse that turned into a 4-day trial and involved, at one point, me being awake for 33 out of 36 hours.  We won, which made it all worth it, although trials -- and I say this as a trial lawyer -- are never really 'worth it.'  

So I'll post more pictures and stuff soon, once I get caught up on sleep and clear the tension out of my mind.  You can't spend a whole week thinking about things like extrinsic proof of prior conduct and the rule against hearsay and Millie The Horse and a lot more without having to take some time to let it all settle down.  

That and I need to spend some time with the family.  It was the first time I'd gone without seeing at least once a day since forever.