Thursday, January 19, 2012

Sick Leave...Please? "Middle"

So I am sitting at my computer wondering just what I wanted to write about this week and nothing was coming to mind. I mean I don’t live a boring life or anything but at the same time I do. But then I thought that this was just a fluke because I have been sick the past three days and so maybe my mind is too clogged up with mucous and all of that good stuff. And then I thought well since I am on that note of me being sick I thought that I would tell you how the last three days have gone for me since I have been sick.

To start I don’t have and have not taken any cold medicine because I just have not been able to stop and get some. I mean I could have stopped on my way to or from work but then I would always forget because like I said earlier I am sick and when I am sick I do not function well. But I was at work Tuesday and one of my coworkers knew that I was sick and told me that she had some cold medicine in her bag and offered me some. And of course me being the sickly human being that I was, took the offer and hoped for the best.

It was as if I could see myself taking the medicine and then cooking this amazing meal for the patients at the hospital and then someone would recognize my amazing cooking skills and then I would get nominated employee of the month because I took such pride in making sure that my food was the best for these patients. And then I would become employee of the month because everyone would see just how dedicated I was to my work and then I would be put up to win an award for top chef on the food network and then I would win that. Then after I won that I would be offered a slot on the food network for my own show titled “Food is the best Medicine” (Funny right since I work in a hospital). And all of that wouldn’t have been possible unless I took that cold medicine.

But that did not happen. What happened was my coworker only had these orange zest tablets that dissolve in water that I would have to drink. So I took a bottle of water and put the two tablets and inside and watched as the magic unfolded. After the fizzing stopped I opened the cap and took a drink and it wasn’t a sip I took a gulp of this medicine magic. OH DEAR LORD!!!! An explosion of nasty orange zest gross sewer water erupted inside my mouth and I immediately spit it out, it went all over my coworker and the wall behind her. She screamed and I ran to the trash can and vomited. Then after my head was pulled out of the trash can where only the dark side has been and my coworker innocently suggests;

“Maybe you should try and drink it with orange juice?”

Well I, of course, being dumb and sick (a deadly combination) walked over to the refrigerator and got some orange juice and poured the medicine that I had in with some of it and took another drink. At first it wasn’t so bad it was sitting a little better. My coworker looked at me and said;

“There that seems to be sitting better.”

But then I could feel the orange juice medicine mixture coming back up and I ran over to my trash can (yes I have now names this my trash can because I vomited in it once and now twice. I looked at my coworker and she had a sad innocent helpless and disgusted look on her face.

“I don’t think that I want to drink this anymore.” I told her as I threw the medicine away on top of my throw up and covered the can. After cleaning up my sprayed spit/medicine off the wall and floor I had to clean out the trash can. So safely speaking I did not create a phenomenal meal for the patients (it was just delightful, like always) and I did not get nominated for employee of the month and I did not become employee of the month and I didn’t not win top chef and I do not have my own show on the food network.

The next day I woke up to find that the cough drop that I went to bed with still in my mouth was now stuck to my nostril. Yep I kid you not. I had to use water to get it off without ripping any part of my skin. It was as gross as it sounds. And that is just how my day started.

The rest of the day was average except when I was turning the fryers off at work I put my oven mitt in the fryer as I turned it off. Why I did that, I do not know. I do not remember doing it and let me tell you my manager asked me about it the next day and I told her that I had no recollection of doing it and she started laughing because the glove was fried. Delicious right?

And then there was today. Now today I forgot my brain at my house but all day today I would have to blow my nose and as I did my nose would start to bleed. And not just bleed but it was almost like a gush of blood that would flood out of my nose. Sorry I will not spare any of the details. I would have to sit by my trash can. Yes the same trash can that I threw up in twice not two days earlier and sit there and bloody up tissue after tissue making all of my coworkers really want to sit and chat with me. But the bleeding stopped and I am now here writing all of my yummy details for you all to read and enjoy while holding toilet paper up to my nose trying to prevent blood from getting on my computer. Yep the day in the life of Middle. Fun, adventurous and almost a little too much.


Briane P said...

Boy, those residents are pretty lucky to have you cooking for them this week.

Grumpy Bulldog, Secret Agent said...

Wait, she works in a hospital and can't find any cold medicine?

Middle said...

I am not allowed to take medicine from the hospital...and I know I thought the same thing...haha...and those patients are lucky every day that I cook!

Andrew Leon said...

I want to have a good comment to this, but I just don't. I'm somewhat horrified that they allowed you to stay and cook food after puking.
But I would pay money, not a lot of money but some, to see a pic of you with a cough drop stuck to your nose.

Middle said...

I wasn't sick with the flu so i didn't need to go home and my goodness did I cleaned up in the bathroom after and just in case I wore a mask on my mouth the rest of the day...I just wanted to make sure that I got that out so that everyone knows that no one was harmed...haha
(but I am completely serious, I made darn sure of it)

Briane P said...

I do think what's terrible is that a worker couldn't AFFORD to take sick leave: do you get paid sick leave yet? Ever?