Saturday, April 07, 2012

These are the things that came up in conversation during employee reviews this week.

As a newly-appointed owner of my firm, this was the first year I got to review other employees instead of being reviewed.  So this was the first time I've sat through other people's reviews, and the experience was enlightening, by which I mean it was anything but, at times.

There was, for example, much more cursing than I had anticipated.  We run a pretty loose shop, apparently.  Also, we discussed, at times:

Kant's categorical imperative.

Bourbon.

Whether I am a young guy or old guy

About which, on that last one, the two oldest people in our firm were talking and agreeing that they were the oldest people in our firm, and then the second-oldest person in our firm said to me: "Well, you type all your stuff and you type it fast, but these younger people, they don't know how to do that."

To which I responded that up until that very moment I'd considered myself one of the younger people.

(She still got a raise.)

Also, I drew a pirate ship:



It's sort of a space-ghost-futuristic-pirate ship, which really I think highlights the kind of boss I am.

2 comments:

Rusty Webb said...

That pirate ship looks amazing! Your photo of said pirate ship though, not so much.

I'm not saying I get reviewed at my job. Because if I did, it would be unethical to talk about it. However, If I were to make a fictionalized transcript of a hypothetical performance review, it might go something like this:

"Rusty, you did pretty good this year. So, on our tic tac toe board of performance, you get the middle square, which means you did okay."

"Cool," I said hypothetically.

"But, it could have been one of the bad squares."

"Oh, so you're saying that I actually did poorly?"

"Um," they responded, "no. You got the rating that you deserved."

"Uh huh. So why might it have been a bad square?"

"Well," they said, "you did everything you're supposed to, and everything we ask of you on top of that. But nothing else."

"Oh, you mean, I do my job without complaint, and perform it with competence and professionalism. But that might not be enough?"

"But you got an acceptable rating."

"Except," hypothetically, "it almost wasn't acceptable."

"Well, we feel like you could do more."

"But you ask me to do more, and I do it."

"Yes, you do, but you don't do more than you're asked."

"But what else would I do? I can only do what I can do, or am asked to do."

"And that's acceptable," they said.

"I don't understand."

"It was a good year, and I think we had a good meeting. See you next time."

...aaaaannnd....endscene. That's how it's done in corporate America.

Hypothetically.

Andrew Leon said...

That pirate ship makes me think of Peter Pan.

I wish I could type more quickly. Does that make you older than me because you type better?