Sunday, October 13, 2013

THE STORY OF BATMAN (Life With Unicorns)



Superman.... as Superman Batman.
Other Batman... also as Batman.
That other guy... as Mr Freeze


Joker.... as Joker.
Other Joker... as other Joker.

With Guest Appearances By:
Another Batman, Yet.
One More Batman.

And special appearances by

The Flash.

"Once upon a time...

... at the BATCAVE, all the BATMANs and SUPERMAN and MR FREEZE were just hanging around, doing superhero stuff.

Unbeknownst to them, though, a pair of JOKERs had set up shop nearby and had EVIL PLANS.

The Jokers planned to KIDNAP SEVERAL BATMANS, and also ROBIN!

The JOKERS do not use their special truck to go out and attack the BATCAVE. They wait....

And then ROBIN leaves the BATCAVE and the JOKERS finally attack him and put him in their special jail at the Joker House where they live!

So a BATMAN came out to look, and the JOKERS grabbed him, too, and they fought him. But they did not use the JETPACK SUIT, because.  So they jumped out instead and landed near the Batman and they grabbed him and took him back to their hideout!

Then, a SECOND BATMAN came out, too, and the JOKERS also grabbed him and this time they can fight a little so the JOKERS punch this other BATMAN and they take him back, too, until BATMAN and ANOTHER BATMAN and ROBIN are all in the jail.

Meanwhile, back at the BATCAVE,

MR FREEZE and BATMAN are talking.


BATMAN says "Hi, Mr Freeze."

Meanwhile, JOKERS just stand there and DO NOT ATTACK.

MR FREEZE mumbles something and BATMAN mumbles something back and then the COMPUTER RINGS!


"Mr Freeze," THE FLASH says, "Bad news!"

"Batman and Batman and Robin have been captured by the JOKER and are in jail," MR FREEZE says.

NOBODY asks how he knew that. Just don't say.


BATMAN has a BATWING and will go out the FRONT DOOR and rescue them once he is in it!

The JOKERS do not do anything.

"I will always be careful," prompts BATMAN, and MR FREEZE remembers to warn BATMAN to be careful.

"Be careful, Batman," says MR FREEZE.

"I am always careful," Batman says again.

I WONDER IF JOKERS CAN SEE THE BATWING? They should look for it.

"Where is the BATWING?" wonder the JOKERS, standing on top of their hideout.

"Yoo hoo!" says BATMAN as the BATWING takes off.

"OH, NO, It's the BATWING!" yell the JOKERS.


"I will use the Joker Hauler to fight the Batwing," says one JOKER, leaping down from the edge of the JOKER HOUSE, and landing perfectly in the front seat of the JOKER HAULER, standing upright.

The JOKER turns the JOKER HAULER around and drives it across the ground between the JOKER HOUSE and the BATCAVE, which are alarmingly close together.

In a bold move, the JOKER stops the JOKER HAULER and sits PERFECTLY STILL while the BATWING flies right up next to it and FIRES A SHOOTER!


The JOKER sits there.

The BATWING reloads.

The BATWING fires.


NOBODY pretends that it hit. EVERYBODY just waits.

The BATWING reloads, fires: it HITS!

The JOKER HAULER explodes and flies end over end! It rolls away and the JOKER is, amazingly, UNHURT!  He runs back to the JOKER HOUSE, yelling to other JOKER that the JOKER HAULER is blown up but he's all right and we'd better get ready to use the GIANT HAND and the GIANT HAMMER to fight off the Batwing.

JOKER goes to stand on the pedestal with footprints that he has built to help him control the GIANT HAND.  The other JOKER stands out front, where his GIANT HAMMER stands poised to hit a carnival game.

"You will NEVER be able to fight us off, Batman," says one JOKER. It doesn't matter which one: They are both ready to fight.

The BATWING comes in close.

The JOKER must stop using his GIANT HAND and leave it absolutely still.

The BATWING fires!


The JOKER's GIANT HAND is blown up and the Joker falls off the pedestal and then climbs back up on top of the JOKER HOUSE.  "Use the Giant Hammer to fight him off!" JOKER yells at the other JOKER.

"I will!" says the other JOKER, bravely.

BATMAN asks for the SHOOTER to be handed to him.  It is.  The BATWING reloads.  JOKER stops using the GIANT HAMMER and stands PERFECTLY STILL even though this tactic does not seem to work.

Then, suddenly: Nobody talks.

The BATWING fires its shooter! It HITS the GIANT HAND! The other Joker is blown up, too, and flies way away but then he gets back and is unhurt and climbs to the top of the JOKER HOUSE, too!

"Let's use our guns and shoot at the BATWING!" one JOKER suggests.  They decide this is a great idea.

"Kpow! Kpow! Kpow!" the JOKERs' guns are shooting away, but the BATWING isn't bothered at all.  It flies straight at one of the JOKERs!

Then it flies away for a second to reload its shooter and flies back again!

It shoots at the JOKER! He falls off the JOKER HOUSE!

"It got me!" JOKER yells.  "It hurt my head!"

"It hurt your hand!" BATMAN says.

"That's right: it hurt my hand! I forgot!" says JOKER, lying still.

Meanwhile, the BATWING has reloaded its one shooter! It doesn't need two! And it is right in front of the other JOKER!

It fires! He is shot! He falls into the jail cell -- the same one holding his PRISONERS!

No, he doesn't! He didn't fall in there at all! He is on top of the JOKER HOUSE again, and the BATWING reloads and this time when it shoots the JOKER is hit and falls down all the way to the ground!

"It hurt your leg!" BATMAN tells the other JOKER.

"I hurt my leg!" JOKER yells.

"You say NO!" BATMAN commands.

"Nooooooo!" yells one or maybe both of the JOKERS.

They do not get the Bat Telescope and certainly do not pretend it is a gun because it's a telescope.

You see things through it.  It's not a GUN.  You just look at stars.

The JOKERS just lay there.

The BATWING lands in front of the JOKER HOUSE.

"You can't get in, because the door is locked!" say the JOKERs, not sure if they are allowed to talk.

They are.

"I'll get in! Aquaman!" says BATMAN.

AQUAMAN does not answer.

"You say what Batman!" BATMAN orders.

"Oh. What, Batman?" says AQUAMAN.

"Open the door!" BATMAN says.

The door to the JOKER HOUSE opens!

The JOKERs do not get up and fight.

They are still hurt!

BATMAN comes in and finds the jail cell where BATMAN, the other BATMAN, and ROBIN are being held captive!

"You'll never get the jail open!" yell the JOKERs.  "It's hopeless!"

BATMAN opens the jail cell door quite easily!

"You're our hero!" say BATMAN and the other BATMAN and ROBIN.

They go to stand nearby.

"Jokers, you fight!" says BATMAN.

One JOKER, the one with the hurt leg, gets up and says "Come on, Batman! I'll fight you using my... Joker powers!"

The JOKER does not try to use the BAT GLIDER or BAT MOTORCYCLE or even that GUN.

Also, the JOKER does not try to punch BATMAN! He goes and stands on the wall right by the rooftop opening that leads directly to the jail cell!

BATMAN leaps up to the top of JOKER HOUSE!

No, the JOKER does not fight.

Even though he thought he should.

Just don't think.

The BATMAN doesn't bother punching JOKER. Instead, he bodyslams him!

The JOKER falls right into the jail cell! He is trapped!

Now the other JOKER is going to fight, too!

He decides that he will fight exactly like the first JOKER and goes to stand on the wall, right by the jail cell, too! It might work this time!

"Ah ha!" the BATMAN yells, and he swings his entire body right at the JOKER, who is hit and falls directly into the jail cell! Up against the door! It opens up and the JOKER falls out onto the carpet.

"I'm free!" the JOKER yells.

But it turns out no he is not and for some reason he is on top of the JOKER HOUSE again just standing there and BATMAN slams into him and he falls again into the cell and this time the door stays locked!

"You did it!" yell BATMAN and other BATMAN and ROBIN from where they stood nearby and watched and did not help at all they just stand there!

"You're our hero!" they say again.

"High-five me, Robin!" says BATMAN.

Robin and Batman, one of them, anyway, high-five! They have won!

"You have foiled us again, but we'll be back!" yells a JOKER from inside the jail cell in JOKER HOUSE

"No, you say No!" says BATMAN.

"Noooooooooooooooo!" say the JOKERs.

"Let's go back to the BATCAVE," suggests one of the BATMANs.

They all go back there, walking past the BATWING, which remains parked in front of the JOKER HOUSE right by the wrecked JOKER HAULER.

"Can I put you in the jail?" BATMAN asks the just-released prisoners.

They agree that would be a good idea, and BATMAN puts BATMAN and other BATMAN and ROBIN into the BATCAVE's jail cell.


That is a good story.

Wasn't it a good story?

It was.

Want to tell it again?

Upcoming episodes of THE STORY OF BATMAN:

In Episode 2:  The JOKERs kidnap ROBIN and BATMAN and BATMAN, and once THE FLASH alerts MR FREEZE, SUPERMAN uses his POLICE ROBOT to go fight the JOKERs, who try to fight back with their JOKER HAULER, GIANT HAND, and GIANT HAMMER, but they are beaten and they hurt their arm and their leg, and then the prisoners are released and JOKERs are trapped and everyone goes back to the BATCAVE, where BATMAN and ROBIN and BATMAN go into the jail cell.

Then, in Episode 3, BATMANs and ROBIN are kidnapped by the JOKERs, and THE FLASH uses the COMPUTER to tell MR FREEZE, who tells a different BATMAN, who leaves the BATCAVE to climb up the outside because he does not use the elevator to get to the top where the BATCOPTER no it is a BAT HELICOPTER, say it, BAT HELICOPTER is parked and the BAT HELICOPTER shoots the JOKER HAULER and then the GIANT HAND and then the HAMMER and then the JOKERs and frees the prisoners, who are happy and then BATMAN fights the JOKERs and they are in the jail and everyone goes back to the BATCAVE where BATMAN and ROBIN and BATMAN agree they should go into the BATCAVE's jail and are not getting their pictures taken.

In the thrilling conclusion, Episode 4, after the JOKERs kidnap two BATMANs and a ROBIN, THE FLASH calls MR FREEZE, who this time uses his own FREEZE JET and a different SHOOTER to blow up the JOKER HAULER and then shoots the GIANT HAND and the GIANT HAMMER and the JOKERs don't escape or use a dragon because that is for EAGLE TALON CASTLE not DC SUPERFRIENDS, and then after a fight the prisoners are freed and JOKERs are iced by MR FREEZE and they stand there in ice until MR FREEZE reminds them they can break free, and then one of them does, no both of them do, and then they fight and JOKERs are trapped in their own jail in the JOKER HOUSE and BATMAN and BATMAN and ROBIN are happy and this time BATMAN and MR FREEZE high five, and they all go back to the BATCAVE where ROBIN and BATMAN and BATMAN are put into the BATCAVE jail cell!

And we are ALL DONE.


Andrew Leon said...

I would not one to be one of those Batmans or Robin that have to just stay in jail ALL THE TIME. At least, the Jokers get to break out and put people in jail, but those poor guys just get transferred from one jail to another. I bet they don't even get TV or good food.

Man, I never had anyone to play with like that when I was a kid. Way to be a DAD!

Pat Dilloway said...

That is an epic adventure. I think Warner Bros needs to hire you to write the next Batman/Superman movie.

Briane P said...

PT: It was written by Mr Bunches. Most of my suggestions were vetoed.

Andrew: What else could you do, when you have Too Many Batmans? (Oh, that sounds like a good story!)