Friday, February 13, 2015

You just never know when the person you married will turn out to have some sort of terrible hideous dark secret that irrevocably alters your view of that person, your relationship, and even the entire universe.

The other day, I was making us Grilled Peanut Butter & Banana Sandwiches for dinner.  It's like having dessert for a main course, only fried!  Anyway, as I got the bread out, Sweetie said "I want the two pieces in that bag," pointing to the dregs of the old loaf of bread which had a slice of bread and the heel.

Bread, the way God created it.

Now, I'm a regular person just like you and I know that the heel of the loaf of bread is suitable for many things: toasting, being on regular sandwiches, etc. and so on.  But I had to point out to Sweetie that she was way off base on this one:

"You can't grill the heel," I said, because to grill a sandwich you have to spread butter on it, and the heel is all crust outside, and I don't even know why I have to explain this to you it's SCIENCE, okay?

"Just turn it inside out," Sweetie said, and I explained that you could not do that because that is not how it works.

(Again, this is basic SCIENCE, people. The heel of the bread points outward from the loaf and to turn it inward is to risk blowing up the universe or something. It's like crossing the streams. I don't know what will happen.)

Sweetie insisted that I do it, and then even insisted that she'd done this for years.  On grilled sandwiches she had made for me.

Sweetie has been eating, AND feeding me -- she claims, but I think she's lying because I'm positive I'd have noticed! -- weird perversion of nature inside out heel-bread grilled sandwiches for YEARS?

I need to lie down.

I made it for her, because she's my wife and I love her etc. and so on, but I was not happy about this development.

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