Thursday, November 19, 2015

Updates On God: #WWJDASRWMBTBTAMNBHCICTTFETTB*, or the ten best responses to the Washington Post article about how Jesus would handle Syrian Refugees

(*That stands for What Would Jesus Do About Syrian Refugees Who Might Be Terrorists But Then Again Might Not Be Holy Crap I Cant Take The fear Everybody To The Bunker.  Let's put it on a t-shirt!)

The other day, the Washington Post published the provocatively titled, if not particularly well-researched or written, article "Would Jesus Take In Syrian Refugees."  For those of you who missed it when every single policy decision was framed in terms of how much God loved Americans, we may be heading back to those glorious days when fears of terrorism in Europe caused America to arrest and hold, without a lawyer or even telling his family where he was, an Oregon lawyer who, it turned out, was not only entirely unconnected to the bombings but HA HA THE FBI HAD BEEN TOLD THAT BEFORE HE WAS ARRESTED.

Good times, good times.  That's why, as a person who despises his civil liberties but LOVES simplistic interpretations of complicated foreign policy and religious doctrine, I welcomed the Post's attempt to inject Jesus into the 'debate' about whether we should let Syrians come here and blow up our babies.

Unfortunately, the article sheds no light on what Jesus would actually do about Syrian terrorists WHO MIGHT BE BEHIND YOU RIGHT NOW *whew can't be too careful* but fortunately the commenters had their fingers right on Jesus' pulse, as it were. Here are the top ten comments, in order:

10. User Dana Goldman knows God helps those who help themselves (fight a bloody civil war):

The women and children can come. The men need to stay and fight for their country. Hand up no hand outs.

9. Unlike Starbucks, Brian Fejer didn't forget the reason for the season:

If only we had a seasonal appropriate story about middle eastern people seeking refuge, turned away by the heartless! The Republican Party is emulating the barbarians! ‪#‎WWJD‬

8. It's all a matter of how good your screening is, says Jackie Buchanan:

Jesus would know their hearts.

7. "IPDaily" HA I GET IT knows their hearts, too:

I'm sure Jesus would take them in, just before they cut his head off!!

6. "lazerfox" felt the debate was too narrow: who ELSE would Jesus love?

Ouch baby. Very ouch.  Jesus also wouldn't condemn homosexuals, hate others for not being christian, nor hold racist opinions.

5. Hey, "Dave27," the bracelet isn't what WOULDN'T Jesus do:

Jesus wouldn't create Taliban to fight Russians. Jesus wouldn't ask western Ukrainians to kill off eastern Ukrainians. Jesus wouldn't create ISIS to fight Assad government.

(PS DAVE 27, everyone knows Jesus is #upforwhatever.)

4. "Hyphenated" has the solution: not in MY backyard:

The truth is letting in a few refugees is a lottery - for them and for us. Only a fraction will be allowed in and there is a risk that among that fraction it will increase terrorism now or in the future. The kinder thing to do at this point is to provide a lot of aid as close as possible to their current homes, so they can return when the fighting stops.  
 This may take a long time, but it will actually help more people and not export the risk to the US.

3. User "Inajeep" nailed the left-wing conspiracy the Post is attempting to pull off:

WaPo, of the Democrat party who booed God at their convention now invokes Jesus in their desperate attempt to allow terrorists to come into America so they can report on a Paris-style tragedy in the US. Nice job
(Honestly the Post is probably just trying to get the GOP back for how Bush let people think the terrorists blew up the World Trade Center. WAKE UP SHEEPLE.)

2. Vick Valoure also saw trouble on the American front:

Once a society becomes grasped in the clutches of zealous hysteria, the outcome is inevitable.  I'd like to think that we could resist the power of herd-mentality but we were "designed" that way to fuel progressive change for our benefit. Because chaos & hardship fosters creativity & success.  Proof of this theory is the fact that we are divided today more than ever in USA's past because of our ideological differences. Just like we were right before the civil war,...but even more so this time!

But the best comment of all was from the cleverly-named "Kingy of all Mankind," who saw right through Jesus' clever disguise:

1. I don't care what some middle eastern person of the past would do. I'm not for those middle eastern people in my country. They don't like US and they want the moon to be happy with US. Send them back for their election with ASSad.


I see what you did there! ASSad. Take THAT, centuries of complicated Middle Eastern politics.

No comments: