Friday, July 29, 2011

Is it possible I'm not as good-looking as I think I am? (I Get Paid For Doing This)

So here's what happened today: I had a hearing over at the Dane County Courthouse, and I and the Law Clerk went over for it. We got on the elevator at the same time as a woman we didn't know, and I realized that I had no idea what floor we needed to go to.

I held the door open while I scanned the directory across from me with the same frantic feeling that I get when I go to drive-through restaurants, that I'll never be able to absorb the information in enough time to do something intelligent, plus I was aware that I was holding up the elevator for the woman who'd gotten on with us.

Just then, another woman came into view and got on the elevator, and I said to her "I was holding the door open for you," and then picked my floor and we all started up.

That started the first woman who'd gotten on joking about how I had a nice cover story for not knowing where I was going, and we all had a good laugh, and then she got off the elevator, and then a couple floors later, the Law Clerk and I got off the elevator, and had this exchange:

Clerk: You know she was hitting on you.

Me: No. She wasn't. Why would someone hit on me?*

*Note: there are many reasons people would hit on me. But what I said is what you are required to say when you are as incredible as I am and people tell you someone is hitting on you. It's all part of society.

Clerk: Because you're an attorney.

Which, I instantly realized, meant that's the only reason she would hit on me. Not because I'm good-looking** or funny*** or just generally great*4
** I am

*** Ditto

*4: you know what I'm going to say here, right?

So in essence, Law Clerk was saying "You're kind of an ugly guy."

I took that in stride, because I am (as I said in an entirely different, and likely meaningless to you, context) the Batman of our firm*5

*5: That requires a little explanation, so here it is: If our law firm were the Justice League, every other lawyer in our firm would be the responsible, upstanding superheroes that fit into society and are normal people, superheroes like Superman and Red Tornado and Wonder Woman. I would be Batman. Get it now?

and, taking that in stride, I then went into the court hearing (which we won, by the way, although that does not factor into this story) where I learned that there was a lawyer from Colombia there.

This Colombian lawyer had nothing to do with our case; she was there with some American lawyers to observe the American court system, and had lucked into seeing my hearing with me in action, i.e., the pinnacle of the American judicial system.

And also, the Colombian lawyer wanted to take some pictures of the American judicial system which would include me, and frankly, I can't think of a better way to represent our judicial system than to have me be face of the American Justice System for all of Colombia, so that from here on out, whenever any Colombians learn about our court system, they see me. I was pretty much, at that point, what I always saw as fulfilling the first part of my destiny.

The judge, then, came into court and agreed that they could take pictures, and this exchange occurred:

Judge: Assuming that's okay with you, Mr. Pagel?

Me: That's fine with me. This is the good-looking team from our firm, anyway.

Judge: Maybe from the back, but not from where I'm sitting.


Rogue Mutt said...

Ouch! That's gotta hurt.

Raeza Judette Quinto Rolluqui said...

LOL! I meant no offense, Bri. But, well, here we are again with our looks issues. Haha. I'm on the same boat.