Too Many Daves
Did I ever tell you that Mrs. McCave
Had twenty-three sons, and she named them all Dave?
Well, she did. And that wasn’t a smart thing to do.
You see, when she wants one, and calls out “Yoo-Hoo!
Come into the house, Dave!” she doesn’t get one.
All twenty-three Daves of hers come on the run!
This makes things quite difficult at the McCaves’
As you can imagine, with so many Daves.
And often she wishes that, when they were born,
She had named one of them Bodkin Van Horn.
And one of them Hoos-Foos. And one of them Snimm.
And one of them Hot-Shot. And one Sunny Jim.
Another one Putt-Putt. Another one Moon Face.
Another one Marvin O’Gravel Balloon Face.
And one of them Zanzibar Buck-Buck McFate…
But she didn’t do it. And now it’s too late.
About the poem: It was, of course, Dr. Seuss' birthday the other day, which means that everyone had to talk about Dr. Seuss that day and The Lorax didn't in any way try to capitalize on it by coming out in theaters. I, rather than being two days late, am simply posting this when it belongs being posted. Since Middle has taken to putting her post on Fridays, I've moved Friday's Sunday's Poem back to where it began (on Sundays, right?) but will keep the title because it's catchy.
So I picked this particular work to make fair use of in reporting on Dr. Seuss' birthday because, frankly, I like all the names, and here's why:
I frequently call the boys not just by their regular nicknames -- they have real life names and they have real-life nicknames that we use a lot -- but by shortened version of their nicknames, and then by names I simply apply to them depending on my mood and what they're doing. The boys are frequently called pumpkin, peanut, honeybee, scooby doo, pumpkinator, stinkbomb (even when they're not), Jupiter (for reasons based on one's real name), and my favorite,
which is a name extender to be used when a kid is really in trouble. The degree of trouble a kid is in can be demonstrated by how much of his name is used. Consider a hypothetical kid, like Bodkin Van Horn from the poem. If that kid is just needed for dinner it's:
But if he's in trouble, it could be
Bodkin Van Horn!
But what if he's really in trouble? You've run out of syllables to tack on. That's where Monroe McGillicuddy, my patented, trademarked, copyrighted, phrase comes in. If Bodkin is really workin' up a storm, you can holler:
Bodkin Monroe McGillicuddy Van Horn!
And he'll get the point.
I also sometimes tack on a junior to really put a ring on it:
Bodkin Monroe McGillicuddy Van Horn JUNIOR!
So the point is, it's a wonder the boys know their names at all, which they do but only because Sweetie is more responsible as a parent than I am and uses their names.
And the other point is that I one time adopted another Seuss character as a source of nicknames for the boys: I took Sylvester McMonkey McBean and will call them that or variations on it.
So if you ever stop by, (a), don't, because I really don't like people and hate houseguests, and (b) expect to hear our boys called by about 37,000,000,000howmanyzeroesinajillion,000 names, and now I've got a few more with Too Many Daves. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go play with Little Zanzibar Buck-Buck McFate now.
About the Hot Actor: I asked Sweetie who I should name for this and we have this conversation:
Me: Who should be the hot actor or actress?
Sweetie: Matt Bomer.
Me: Why him?
Sweetie: Because it's also cool that he came out.
Me: What was the first reason?
Sweetie: 'Cause he's also gorgeous.
I have to learn to stop asking.