“We shall fight in the backyard. By the path. Just outside the house. And by the tree that we bought for $4 on sale at the end of summer and which was bitten in half by a dog… we shall never surrender!”-- Winston Churchill.
No, really, he totally said that. Just the other day, in fact. I had a séance at which we consulted with Winston Churchill on what to do about Mr Bunches’ Victory Garden.
You may remember that last year, Mr Bunches and I engaged in a spirited round of gardening, shoveling dirt and pushing seeds into said dirt and then shoveling more dirt around, with the ultimate result being, possibly, a single sunflower that grew to about a height of 1 foot and never bloomed.
I think it was a sunflower. Certain people said it was a weed but certain people ought not to dampen certain other people’s spirits about their garden, especially when certain other people are their husbands and don’t need certain people reigning on their parade.
In short, Mr Bunches’ Victory Garden was not a complete success, but it is spring, and hope springs eternal (see what I did there) especially when I have been given Miracle-Gro® Expand ‘n Gro™ Concentrated Planting Mix to try out this year.
Miracle-Gro®, possibly because they want to associate their brand with the kind of star power I bring to the Internet, or possibly because they weren’t aware that I’m something of an anti-gardener, sent me a fee sample package of their Concentrated Planting Mix to try out.
It’s got something called Expand ‘n Gro™ and promises that it will improve the soil for up to three years, feed the plants better than native soil, and result in up to three times the usual number of flowers or vegetables.
Imagine: three sunflowers!
I’m only half-kidding. A big problem with gardens in our area is not just that one of them was planted by me, but the fact that we have awful soil; it’s made up of 90% sand and 10% hidden Indian graveyards (according to a scientific study that never existed), so it’s tough to get plants to grow here. But the Expand ‘n Gro (available at lawn and garden retailers in the Midwest, Northeast and Texas or at expandngro.com and Amazon.com) holds water better and actually transforms the soil.
It’s got something called COCONUT COIR, an all natural addition made from from coconut husk. Coir fibers from places like Sri Lanka are compressed and added to the soil (By the way, this is recycling, because previously these fibers were simply tossed out). That makes a lightweight, easy to use soil amendment which helps keep air and water available to plants.
See? I’m going to go all SCIENCE on our Victory Garden this year. Watch out, neighbors. With this Miracle Gro Expand ‘n Gro™ stuff, I bet my garden will take over the world!
And you can try it, too -- leave a comment saying what YOU'd grow with this, and I'll mail a free sample to the best comment.