I have a lot of time to think while driving. I waste most of it.

Everytime I drive north of Madison, I pass the location for a paintball site. And each time I do, I think to myself Paintball looks fun, and then I think I should get some friends and the older kids together and then go play paintball, and then I think "Yeah, but I don't have the air rifles or paintballs or gear to do that," and then I get sad because there's just no way for me to get those things. It's not like they're going to just drop out of the sky, or suddenly appear on my computer screen begging to be ordered...

... unless, of course, I were to click on a link to go to AirGunDepot.com, a website that sells such an amazing variety of airguns, pellet guns, BB guns, and, yes, paintball guns, that it's almost like they're falling out of the sky.

See, after driving by the paintball place yesterday, I began thinking all those things again, so then when I got home I actually looked around for a place to get that stuff, and got to AirGunDepot.com, where I was welcomed by words that always warm my heart: discounts! New visitors to the site get 10% off of orders. And they've got paintball guns, ammo, and accessories like the masks and protective jerseys.

So now, when I drive by the paintball place, I can think: That looks fun. I can't wait until my order gets here and I can do play paintball. And then I can think: I wonder if those paintballs hurt when they hit?

I wonder who would win in a fight between him and Captain Kangaroo (Enemies List update!)

The newest addition is:

9. Patchy The Pirate: to paraphrase Huck Finn, you don't know 'bout Patchy The Pirate without you have seen Spongebob Squarepants. Patchy is the live-action guy who sometimes introduces episodes. Episodes like the Christmas Spongebob episode, which we have on DVD and which we have watched about 100 times now in the past month or two.

It began this way: most days, I'm the one that gets Mr F and Mr Bunches up and dressed in the morning while Sweetie gets their breakfast ready. And I like to have something on in the background, so I usually put in a DVD to watch while we do that... and don't judge me. It takes a long time sometimes to get them ready, what with the fighting and crabbing and escaping.

So one morning, I popped in a Spongebob DVD I'd picked out at random -- the Christmas DVD. (Which, for some reason, contains entirely non-Christmas related episodes, too...).

The Christmas Spongebob DVD begins with an extended sequence involving Patchy The Pirate and his marionette-parrot, and I have never liked Patchy and his parrot.

Mr Bunches, on the other hand, loved it. He didn't stop laughing, not when Patchy accidentally hit himself in the eye, not when Patchy read viewer mail, and not when Potty the Parrot blew up from eating too much cookie dough.

And Mr Bunches now demands to watch that DVD, over and over. Sometimes, it's the only thing that quiets him down. But he won't watch the cartoons, much. Just the Patchy the Pirate parts.

So, Patchy The Pirate, for worming your way into the good graces of Mr Bunches, you've moved beyond annoying character and onto the Enemies List.

The Entire List, So Far:

1. People who honk their horn.
2. Pepperoni pizza.
3. The 2008 Detroit Lions.
4. The guy who programmed my cell phone camera, etc. etc....
5. The guy whose house I'm stalking.
6. Water's natural tendency to expand when it freezes.
7. Anyone who ever turns left (except me.)
8. People who are just a little too serious about online "friendships."
9. Patchy The Pirate.



Punk Rock Pickle:

Take That, Salad!
by

brianefp

Get this custom shirt
at Zazzle

I had trouble making up my mind. (Sunday's poem, 18).

Cows In Art Class

by Charles Bukowski

good weather
is like
good women-
it doesn't always happen
and when it does
it doesn't
always last.
man is
more stable:
if he's bad
there's more chance
he'll stay that way,
or if he's good
he might hang
on,
but a woman
is changed
by
children
age
diet
conversation
sex
the moon
the absence or
presence of sun
or good times.
a woman must be nursed
into subsistence
by love
where a man can become
stronger
by being hated.

_________________________________________________________

Here's the poems I considered for today: Recessional, by Kipling, a couple by Dylan Thomas including Fern Hill, and then Hymn by Poe, before settling on Cows In Art Class, which I picked simply by title. Before I read it, I felt like maybe Bukowski and I would have something in common because he was writing about cows and I once wrote a song about cows, but my song was a lot happier and more upbeat than his poem.

I also disagree with his conclusions. But it's a great poem.

Also: I'm working on my own poem, which will appear here soon!