Monday, May 25, 2009

I wonder who would win in a fight between him and Captain Kangaroo (Enemies List update!)

The newest addition is:

9. Patchy The Pirate: to paraphrase Huck Finn, you don't know 'bout Patchy The Pirate without you have seen Spongebob Squarepants. Patchy is the live-action guy who sometimes introduces episodes. Episodes like the Christmas Spongebob episode, which we have on DVD and which we have watched about 100 times now in the past month or two.

It began this way: most days, I'm the one that gets Mr F and Mr Bunches up and dressed in the morning while Sweetie gets their breakfast ready. And I like to have something on in the background, so I usually put in a DVD to watch while we do that... and don't judge me. It takes a long time sometimes to get them ready, what with the fighting and crabbing and escaping.

So one morning, I popped in a Spongebob DVD I'd picked out at random -- the Christmas DVD. (Which, for some reason, contains entirely non-Christmas related episodes, too...).

The Christmas Spongebob DVD begins with an extended sequence involving Patchy The Pirate and his marionette-parrot, and I have never liked Patchy and his parrot.

Mr Bunches, on the other hand, loved it. He didn't stop laughing, not when Patchy accidentally hit himself in the eye, not when Patchy read viewer mail, and not when Potty the Parrot blew up from eating too much cookie dough.

And Mr Bunches now demands to watch that DVD, over and over. Sometimes, it's the only thing that quiets him down. But he won't watch the cartoons, much. Just the Patchy the Pirate parts.

So, Patchy The Pirate, for worming your way into the good graces of Mr Bunches, you've moved beyond annoying character and onto the Enemies List.

The Entire List, So Far:

1. People who honk their horn.
2. Pepperoni pizza.
3. The 2008 Detroit Lions.
4. The guy who programmed my cell phone camera, etc. etc....
5. The guy whose house I'm stalking.
6. Water's natural tendency to expand when it freezes.
7. Anyone who ever turns left (except me.)
8. People who are just a little too serious about online "friendships."
9. Patchy The Pirate.

Punk Rock Pickle:

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