Yeah, I'm trying this again. (早晨新闻)

早晨新闻: That's "morning news" in simple Chinese. Now you know.

Things That'll Kill You Update: If you're keeping track of things that will kill you, as I do, add "grapes" to the list. A Greenville, Wisconsin 10-year-old girl nearly ate a black widow spider hiding in some grapes. The grapes were from Mexico; it's not known where the spider was from.

People I Hate But Will Pretend To Be Friends With: Paul Sims of Mequon was the latest Wisconsin lottery winner, taking home $920,000 after taxes. If he lives in Mequon, he's already got tons of money, so if he wants me to be his friend, he'd better start feeding $20s into the little slot on his computer to email them to me.

Paul Sims doesn't have a crazy "Here's how I won the lottery in a wacky way" story... yet... but maybe he doesn't need one; his paltry $920,000 is the lowest in the past three years' of Wisconsin history.

Small Town Newspaper Watch: The Power County Press headlined two stories this weekend: coverage of the controversial "bike rodeo" where (I'm pretty sure) kids are taught to rope and brand bikes, and news of a class-action lawsuit being filed by some New York City produce stands ("New York City!") against Idaho potato farmers. Guess which story local moms clipped out and put on the 'fridge with a magnet shaped like a kitten?
______________________________________________________________

This ad for adults only: Kids, stop reading right now. I mean it. Look away. Seriously. Don't make me come over there. Aw, to heck with it. I'm not your parent. Go ahead, read about how to find someone who shares your likes and dislikes -- whatever they may be -- at findkinkypeople.com: the website that'll help you find that significant other who, like you, thinks otters are sexy but hates words with the letter "k" in them.

The Found Alphabet: H

The Found Alphabet shows letters in the alphabet popping up in my life.

H:

Those Hs appear on the labels of some of Mr Bunches' favorite things: crayons, and Mini S'Mores. They were prominent yesterday, when we had errands to run during our Saturday Adventures.

Mr Bunches loves crayons and markers, and when he sees them, he likes to buy them. Generally, he goes for the large crayons and large markers -- but he's a snob and won't get generics. He also likes the washable crayons, which is good because he's not totally bound to coloring on paper as opposed to, say, coloring on the TV or coloring on the kitchen table. (Which, let's face it, is at this point really not worth protecting.)

I always buy him the crayons, or almost always: yesterday, when we had a bunch of stores to go to, he got crayons at the first store, and crayons at the second store, but when he saw a different display of crayons at the second store, he wanted more crayons, but I thought that was ridiculous, so I cut him off and told him he was done with crayons. Then we went to the third store, and he saw crayons, and I gave in and bought them for him. So we have 30 brand-new crayons from yesterday, if you need any.

The S'mores are a different story. They're Mr Bunches' snack of choice nowadays. He's given up on cookies, cheese puffs, and the other things that we try to use to keep him on a sugar high. But he won't eat all the S'more: Instead, he pulls apart the little sandwich and eats only the frosting-y half, leaving a trail or pile of other halves wherever it is he's eating them. (Usually on his bed.)

Prior letters:

A
B
C
D
E
F
G

Lawyers can help? Here I thought they were more of a virus.

Getting out of debt isn't as easy as getting into debt. You didn't need help running up those medical bills, credit cards, or other accounts -- but you could use some help getting out of it. A qualified Debt Settlement Attorney can help you determine your options -- whether a chapter 7 or 13 bankruptcy might help, or if you have other options. A lawyer can help avoid foreclosure and garnishment and other remedies.

A lawyer like Michael Lupolover, who heads up the Law Offices Of Michael Lupolover, a consumer law firm that is there to protect you and help you with bankruptcy, foreclosures, debt relief programs, and more.