Monday, September 05, 2011

We live in America! Says Middle. (What The H?)


What the H? is formerly Stuck In The Middle. I'm renaming it as of today, which is okay because technically I was going to post this yesterday but what are you complaining about? You get this stuff free. Don't make me call out the dogs. Or the bees. Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark they shoot bees at you...

Here's Middle Daughter's latest report on her life:


To Hate or Not To Hate…that is the question…

So I just moved into a new apartment…YAY my first apartment and my first place that I can call MINE. I don’t have to come home to three obnoxious roommates that scream and yell and imitate Jersey Shore. It is great to come home and have my cat greet me with a “Hello.” I live on the third floor and my apartment faces my parking lot where there are a lot of interesting people and events that take place. Let’s just say that I do not live in the greatest neighborhood.

For those of you who may not know me (And there are many people that don’t) I am a very un-shy and weird individual. I am not one to hold on to something that bothers me, nor am I someone that will not break out into song or dance when her favorite song comes on the radio. I have been known to breakdance while driving. When I feel like busting a move I let loose.

Those thoughts bring me to my next story about a woman that reminds me of me.

So I am sitting in my apartment on my couch looking out the window “people watching.” I have mastered that hobby so far. (Yes I consider “people watching” a hobby.) Anyways, I am sitting on my couch and I am scouting out the parking lot and I notice this women dancing in her car. And I don’t mean just doing the “disco arms” or “vogue-ing”, I mean she was all-out shimmying and shaking her butt. I started to laugh a little bit because I do the exact same things. I mean I don’t do them in the parking lot or while I am waiting in line at the bank but it was awesome to see that there are people out there that are like me and aren’t afraid to “get jiggy” with it in public.

I loved the fact that this woman felt comfortable enough with who she was to let everything go in such a public place. I am like her and I was so happy to see that there are other people out there that are like me. I think that there should be more people out there willing to compromise what other people think of them in order to express who they are.

Also referring to the person that I am: I am a person that is very concerned with hygiene. I am the type of person that has to shower at least once a day; otherwise I feel like I have mold growing on me. (I have actually met and worked with someone who did in fact have mold growing on them but that is another story for another day.) I am also the type of person that cannot and will not go camping unless there is a restroom on the campsite that has a working toilet WITH toilet paper.

With those thoughts in mind I will tell you all a wee little story that has changed my outlook on the human race.

Again, I am in my apartment and I am people watching while also picking out a movie to watch. As I am not seeing much action around my building or in my parking lot, I decide to pay more ample attention to my movie. But while I am watching the movie I decide to turn and glance out my window, and I regret that decision as soon as I make it because there was a man with his pants around his ankles urinating in the lawn.

It is three in the afternoon and he is in the middle of the lawn peeing.

What the H?

It upset me and made me realize that I hate at least SOME people because I have walked through that lawn barefoot and I have seen children play on that lawn. Argh… it was disgusting and utterly disturbing.

Since then, I have not walked through the lawn with or without shoes.

It frightens me that people (more specifically that man) think that it is okay to drop your drawers and pull out your equipment and spread your urine all over the world. Come on people, we live in America. We have running water as well as public bathrooms. It made me want to open my window and yell out “Where is your mother?!!!!!”

So watch where you step people…there may be a puddle and it’s NOT agua (that is Spanish for water for those of you who speak French or German)!!

2 comments:

Michael Offutt said...

Many places in America water their lawns using sewage water. Pee is actually pretty sterile according to Bear Grylls. And the undocumented workers that my landlord hires to paint the building are always pissing just outside the windows. I guess pee just happens.

middle said...

Yes pee is sterile (when you get stung by a sting ray you are suppose to pee on it...or something like that) but I still think that its gross and I don't want to see that happening where I walk and where children play.