Tuesday, February 03, 2009

My Enemies List, 6:

1. People who honk their horn.
2. Pepperoni pizza.
3. The 2008 Detroit Lions.
4. The guy who programmed my cell phone camera, etc. etc....
5. The Guy Whose House I'm Stalking.

6. Water's natural tendency to expand when it freezes.

This entry is a bit of a compromise.

I can't hate water, what with being 70% water and what with water being a necessary component of life and all that. But water would have earned my enmity, because when it gets cold, it snows and ices, and then that snow and ice coats the road, and then it gets slightly warmer than 32 degrees, and the snow and ice melts, seeping underneath the tar, and then it gets cold all over again, causing all that water to refreeze... and expand... which then pushes the cracks in the road up higher so that when I'm going over them, the bumps in the road cause my iPod to move around just slightly, which in in turn causes the little radio transmitter to come slightly out of the attachment, which then causes a burst of static to interrupt my singing along with "Pencil Thin Moustache" by Jimmy Buffett.

So because I should hate water for that but can't, I've instead opted to hate one specific property of water.


lisapepin said...

Hmm... If water didn't expand when it froze, then ice wouldn't be lighter than water and would sink to the bottom of the ocean, where it would stay cold and frozen and subsequently the oceans would slowly become giant ice sheets. And while that would be cool, because then I could walk to your house from here, I think the America's Cup people would be seriously bummed out. I think they should buy you a new iPod transmitter, though. It's the least they can do.

Briane P said...

You'll never get ahead using "science" to bolster your case. Plus, if it's just you and the America's Cup people, you are playing a weak hand.