Tuesday, July 06, 2010

1001 Ways To Tune Up The World, Number 68

68. Stop bleeping out words.

Not long ago, I was watching TV and John Stewart said the word [PARENTS! GET YOUR KIDS OUT OF THE ROOM!] asshole.

But all I heard was ass[bleep]. And I thought "Really? The hole part of that word is what makes that word inappropriate... at 10:15 p.m.... on cable?"

You can hear kids say [SERIOUSLY! PARENTS! GET THOSE KIDS INTO A NUNNERY FASTER THAN YOU CAN SAY Galileo's daughter] fuck all the time on South Park. Or, rather, you can't. What you can hear is people say f, then a bleep, then k.

If you don't want your kids to hear swear words, prescreen their TV shows and don't let them watch ones where people swear. But also, if you don't want your kids to hear swear words, good luck with that, since we live in a society where this happens:

In the meantime, the bleeping is pointless -- I'm pretty sure that the people in charge of bleeping things out are engaged in a contest to see who can bleep the least of a word without getting in trouble.

Plus, Bob & Tom's show hasn't been nearly as funny since everyone went all nuts about swearing after Nipplegate.

Prior entries:

13. Ban driving any kind of automobile, motorcycle or other personal vehicle within 1-2 miles of downtown in any city with a population of more than 100,000.

12. Abolish gym class; instead, teach kids to play musical instruments.

11. Change copyright laws to allow anyone to use anyone else's creative work provided that the copier pay 60% of the profit to the originator and that the copier not cast the original work in a negative light.

10. Have more sidewalk cafes and outdoor seating.

9. When you have to give someone a gift, ask them what they want, and then get that thing for them.

8. Never interrupt or finish someone's jokes.

7. Periodically, give up something you like for at least a month.

6. Switch to "E-money."

5. Have each person assigned one phone number, and then add an extension for the various phones and faxes that person might be reached at.

4. Abolish Mondays and Tuesdays.

3. Don't listen to interviews with athletes or comedians.

2. Have "personal cashiers" at the grocery store.

1. Don't earn more than $200,000 per year.

Is this working? You bet --

1001 Ways also helped change the world here!


1001 Ways also helped change the world here!


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