Wednesday, May 19, 2010

1001 Ways To Tune Up The World, Number Sixty-Five

Get rid of those mid-forearm buttons on men's shirts.

Men's clothing -- business clothing -- is dumb. Ties. Button-up shirts. Coats that we either wear only into our office and then hang on the doorknob, or which we stupidly wear all day long even though nobody should wear a coat indoors; you wouldn't wear a windbreaker all day, would you?

So we should probably just overhaul men's business clothing altogether -- but that might constitute more than "fine tuning," so I'm starting small. I'm starting with that tiny little button halfway up the forearm, the button that serves no useful purpose on the shirt.

The button is almost always in a slightly different place on the sleeve, and it apparently is meant to serve to keep that flap of skin from showing out the gap in the sleeve below the wrist cuff, but why is that gap there? It's not necessary to put the shirt on or keep it on; the cuff can button and unbutton just fine without that gap, so far as I can tell...

... and, yeah, I've put a lot of time into thinking about this, because every morning I have to button that tiny button with my big ham-fisted fingers, struggling to get it buttoned, only to go to work and have to unbutton it so that I can roll up my sleeves (which is necessary to show how hard I'm working), only to begin the process the next day.

Imagine how much time and effort I'd save if that button didn't exist.

Okay, it wouldn't be that much time. But I'd save a lot of annoyance and cramped fingers, and even if it's not that much time, why have a button that does nothing?

Prior entries:

13. Ban driving any kind of automobile, motorcycle or other personal vehicle within 1-2 miles of downtown in any city with a population of more than 100,000.

12. Abolish gym class; instead, teach kids to play musical instruments.

11. Change copyright laws to allow anyone to use anyone else's creative work provided that the copier pay 60% of the profit to the originator and that the copier not cast the original work in a negative light.

10. Have more sidewalk cafes and outdoor seating.

9. When you have to give someone a gift, ask them what they want, and then get that thing for them.

8. Never interrupt or finish someone's jokes.

7. Periodically, give up something you like for at least a month.

6. Switch to "E-money."

5. Have each person assigned one phone number, and then add an extension for the various phones and faxes that person might be reached at.

4. Abolish Mondays and Tuesdays.

3. Don't listen to interviews with athletes or comedians.

2. Have "personal cashiers" at the grocery store.

1. Don't earn more than $200,000 per year.

Is this working? You bet --

1001 Ways also helped change the world here!


1001 Ways also helped change the world here!


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