Thursday, April 16, 2009

He may also drive a Vauxhall. That's a classy-sounding kind of car, isn't it?

I had to spend some time with a friend recently, a guy who doesn't know me very well but who is nice enough. We got to talking about cars, and car troubles, and I was casting about for something... anything... to say about that.

My goal in life, I should mention, is to have something to say on every topic that comes up in conversation, whether that be quantum mechanics, the race for mayor in Albuquerque, or, in this case, car repairs. And not just any old thing, either, something intelligent to say.

I fell short in this case. I was trying extremely hard to come up with something to say as he was talking about how he fixes up his cars and does his own repairs, and what I came up with is this:

That Reese Witherspoon sure bakes a mean brownie, huh?

So, um... fail. But he kept on talking and telling me how I could fix my own car if I wanted to, how it was easier than it looks and it saves money and everything, and he finishes up with:

"So whatta you drive, a BMW? That's no problem. You can get parts for that, too."

I don't actually drive a BMW, but I didn't have time to correct him because he was on to telling me how I could go online to "24/7 Parts" and get my BMW Car Parts and have them shipped and then he'd come over and show me how to do it, and all I could think about then was "If this guy comes to my house, am I going to have to buy some kind of BMW just so he doesn't figure out that I don't really own one and he'll think I was lying to him, even though he said it, and I didn't?"

Once I got out of that conversation, I took a tiny part of his advice and checked out the site -- it's actually called "24/7 Spares," and they do have a ton of spare parts and information available there, all arranged and searchable in a format that even a guy like me can figure it out, so if you were someone who actually knew about cars, then it'd be a cakewalk. And if you were someone who knew about cars, you'd probably know what "bmw car breakers" were and how to use them. I don't. But you will.

Then I went him one better: I looked up the most obscure car part I could find so that the NEXT time I run into car guy, I can one up him. And that's why I've spent the morning practicing saying "So I picked up a retooled Vauxhall Meriva breaker for my auto, and I need to drop that puppy in there this weekend."

Then, in case Mr Car Guy pursues that line, I've got my follow-up:

"You know who else bakes good brownies, I bet? Pierce Brosnan."

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