Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Taking Stock: My Wallet

I decided I'd clean out my wallet the other day, and then I decided I'd share with you what was in my wallet, pre-clean...

1. The wallet itself, a leather one that replaced my old wallet. The old one that I'd bought myself folded into three parts, making it too bulky to carry in my back pocket, so I asked Sweetie to get me a new one as a present, and she did.

2. Various lottery tickets. Every time I get gas, I get a couple of lottery tickets. You'll say I'm a sucker, but it adds maybe $3 to the cost of a fill-up and in return, I might win a jillion dollars. And if I do, and you did call me a sucker, I will take out a billboard in your town and put a picture of me on it with the caption "Who's a sucker now!" (Note to karma/fate: I will also do good things with the money, so send it my way.)

I checked all these numbers on Saturday; I check them myself because I don't trust convenience store clerks to do it at the shop. What if I win a jillion and they don't tell me and they say the ticket's garbage so I leave with my candy bar and that night on the news I hear "Convenience store clerk wins a jillion dollars, says 'who's the sucker now?' I just don't take that chance.

3. Money That I Had To Give Back To Sweetie: The Boy wanted to go see Inglourious Basterds on Saturday, but none of his friends were around, so he asked me if I wanted to go, and I agreed to, so Sweetie gave me $30 so we could go to the movie.

Then, The Boy got a call from some girls who said they'd go, so The Boy ditched me and decided to go with them and I had to give the money back to Sweetie. But karma got The Boy (as it always does) when the girls later changed their plans, leaving The Boy with nobody to go see the movie with.

4. A receipt for parking in Milwaukee. This is the actual receipt from the day I thought actual things about Regina Spektor's new album. I've been carrying it in my wallet for nearly a month, meaning to turn it in to our office manager for reimbursement of my twelve bucks. I finally gave it to her this past Monday.

5. A receipt for the Babies! air conditioner: We bought the Babies! an air conditioner this year, since our house doesn't have central air and their old air conditioner was on its last legs. I smartly saved the receipt in my wallet for nearly three months before realizing that I was no longer likely to return the machine.

The Babies! also lost their air conditioner privileges this week when Mr F noticed that there was a cord from the AC to the wall, and decided that he'd try to swing on that cord. When I was unable to deter him from that, I had to remove the air conditioner from their room for fear that he'd pull it right out of the wall.

6. A picture of Mr Bunches when he had no hair and more baby fat. I keep a variety of pictures in my wallet; the left-hand side is the kids and the right hand side is from the extended family. I've also got, tucked in with those pictures, a cut-out from the day I quit smoking five years ago.

7. Middle's Senior Picture: This is another of the collection of photos that includes Oldest's senior picture, The Boy's freshman football photo, Middle's Golf Team photo, and one of Sweetie signing a wedding registry at her brother's wedding in West Virginia. All of them are rare photos of my family in which you can see their faces; all the kids have Sweetie's habit of instinctively ducking away from a camera.

8. My Best Buy Credit Card: To avoid spending, Sweetie and I are supposed to keep credit cards in a box in my drawer (we call it The Glass Case Of Emotion.) This card is still in my wallet from the night we had to go get my nephew a present.

9. Ticket Stub From "The Hangover." I save nearly every ticket stub from every movie Sweetie and I go see. I have a whole collection of things like that. Also, although it's hard to see, I have in my wallet a list Sweetie gave me a long time ago of all the things she likes about me, and an excerpt she cut out of a book of a scene she thought was romantic and sexy.

10. The OTHER Best Buy Card: We used to have a "Circuit City" credit card along with our "Best Buy" account, because you can never buy too many electronics on credit. Then "Circuit City" went belly-up, and Best Buy bought them out, and we got sent a new card, and I can never keep straight which one is the "real" card and which is fake. Rather than throw out a credit card that might be valid, I just keep them both. That's efficiency.

11. The pictures of the extended family: The only one you can see clearly is my niece, Lauren, who I believe is identical to my niece Alexis. My brother Bill apparently says they're not identical, but Bill is clearly nuts. If you saw them, you'd know they're identical.

Lauren is the younger twin who always got a raw deal when the girls were little. Once, she and her sisters were playing house. My niece Ciara was the mom, Alexis was the daughter, and Lauren was... the dog. Later on, they played superheroes. Ciara was Supergirl. Alexis was Wonder Woman. And Lauren was... superdog.

12. A Blank Business Card. I don't often remember to carry my business cards around, but I've made an effort to put 1 or 2 in my wallet just in case. This was the last one left in my wallet that day, and it turns out it was blank on both sides:

I originally took a picture of both sides of the card, to prove that it was blank on both sides, but then I realized that didn't prove anything, since I could simply have taken two pictures of the same side of the card. So you'll have to rely on my word that the business card in my wallet was actually blank on both sides.

As a final note, the newspaper in the upper right of the picture was not ever in my wallet. It was just on the table as I spread out my wallet contents.

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