Friday, May 29, 2009

This post brought to you under duress... (Sweetie's Hunk of the Week 18)

Sweetie's Hunk of the Week is "Bailey Chase."

You/Sweetie Know Him As: The guy who was having computer trouble on a re-run of Criminal Minds" Sweetie was watching last night, prompting her to say "I know who my Hunk of the Week is. It's Bailey Chase."

I know him as: The single most generic looking, generically-named guy Sweetie has ever named a hunk of the week. It's like he's a Ken doll or GI Joe character. Plus, that name? Bailey Chase? It's got to be a stage name, and a boring, forgettable one at that. You could reverse it and it'd be just as forgettable. Even now, I can't think of what he looks like -- and there's a picture of him right there! Plus, this morning, I woke up thinking "Who was it again? Champ Bailey? Chace Crawford? Bailey's Irish Whiskey?"

Thing That Makes You Go Hmmm About Him: On his website, you can request an autographed photo, provided your "request" is accompanied by "Fifteen bucks." Make checks payable to "Karri Philips." The site also takes pains to note that none of the money goes to Bailey Chase (Chase Bailey? Chailey Base?) personally. Plus, the site doesn't give any hint as to who "Karri Philips" is.

Also, check out the other characters "Bailey Chase" has played: "Lincoln Haver." "Becks Scott." "Graham Miller." "Christian Gorman." It's like there's a "Generic Name Generator" that activates around him. The only cool name of any character he's ever played? "Marty 'The Meat Machine' Mayron."

I would send him $15 if he promised to always refer to himself from here on out as "Bailey The Meat Machine Chase."

Reason I Tell Myself Sweetie Likes Him: I don't have a reason. I can barely remember he exists. And, again, his picture's right there! I assume Sweetie needed some blandness in her life, the way people are supposed to eat roughage. Or she was just bored.

Actual Reason Sweetie Likes Him: "He's a babe."

Point I'd Like To Make About Sweetie's Actual Reason For Liking Him: Um. Okay. I guess. Who are we talking about again?

P.S.: For all his blandosity, Bailey Chase inspires strong emotions in Sweetie. When I joked about getting his name ("Chasey Bail?") wrong, she said, and I quote: "If you mess this up, I swear to God I'll kick your ***"

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