Tuesday, April 13, 2010

1001 Ways To Tune Up The World, Number Sixty-Four

64. Make spray bottles work when tilted.

Here is my artist's recreation of an actual person using an actual spray bottle:

And here is my scientifically-accurate diagram of the inside of a spray bottle:

And here is that scientifically-accurate spray bottle, when tipped a little to spray -- something that always happens, since you always hold the bottle above the surface you want to spray with the liquid:

And here is my novel, scientifically-accurate solution:

Why is it always up to me to think these things up? And why am I not rich yet?

Prior entries:

13. Ban driving any kind of automobile, motorcycle or other personal vehicle within 1-2 miles of downtown in any city with a population of more than 100,000.

12. Abolish gym class; instead, teach kids to play musical instruments.

11. Change copyright laws to allow anyone to use anyone else's creative work provided that the copier pay 60% of the profit to the originator and that the copier not cast the original work in a negative light.

10. Have more sidewalk cafes and outdoor seating.

9. When you have to give someone a gift, ask them what they want, and then get that thing for them.

8. Never interrupt or finish someone's jokes.

7. Periodically, give up something you like for at least a month.

6. Switch to "E-money."

5. Have each person assigned one phone number, and then add an extension for the various phones and faxes that person might be reached at.

4. Abolish Mondays and Tuesdays.

3. Don't listen to interviews with athletes or comedians.

2. Have "personal cashiers" at the grocery store.

1. Don't earn more than $200,000 per year.

Claudius wanted to be the first man to reach the stars... but it was murder to get there. Read
Eclipse, the haunting sci-fi book from Briane Pagel. Available at Lulu.com and on your Kindle.


1 comment:

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