Saturday, April 17, 2010

I'm NOT on a horse. But I'm willing to be if it will save my marriage. (Sweetie's Hunk of the Week, 58)

I was moments away from beginning this when Mr Bunches had an accident, so my train of thought was interrupted and made me forget everything I was going to write. The Hunk post I was going to do was brilliant. Now, you're just stuck with this one.

The Hunk of the Week is...

Isaiah Mustafa!

You Don't Know Him Without You have an encyclopedic knowledge of 3rd-string wide receivers for the Seattle Seahawks. That's right: Isaiah Mustafa was drafted by the Seahawks in 2000 and played for them for a while, as well as playing in the astonishingly popular global phenomenon that was NFL Europe.

Oh, and he did this:

but who pays attention to commercials? Except me that is. I pay attention to commercials, and I paid attention to that one, mostly because of the end line, "I'm on a horse."

I then told Sweetie about it, and she acted like it was no big deal, until she saw Isaiah Mustafa on The Dish last week, and now she's all a-flutter about him... to the point where she even found out his name.

I didn't know his name. I just knew him as That Guy From That Commercial. Heck, I didn't even know what the commercial was for. (I guessed a car.) But Sweetie went and looked him up and downloaded pictures of him, and wrote fan mail to him (probably.)

Thing That Makes You Go Hmmm About Him: He has a whopping talent range. Not only is he The Guy Who's On A Horse, but he also played Moses in the movie The Last Supper, which comes as kind of a surprise, because:

1. I didn't know that Moses was around for the Last Supper. Actually, although I'm no Biblical Scholar, I'm 100% certain that he wasn't -- because I recall not only that there was a painting of the Last Supper which didn't show Moses in it, but also that the painting of The Last Supper had a hidden secret code in it:

And that hidden secret code also didn't mention music. (The hidden secret code actually promised Da Vinci's painting's viewers that if they wrote down the code and then entered it into Da Vinci's website [], they'd be eligible to join the "Junior Da Vincis" club and possibly get tickets to a real medieval inquisition.)(Offer not available in Texas and places where the Internet had not yet been invented in 1250 A.D.)

And, 2. Isn't it great to picture Moses as the Guy On A Horse?

"Look at God. Now look at me. Now look at God. He's a burning bush. What's in my hand? Two stone tablets. Now they're a golden idol. Smash it. I'm on the bottom of the Red Sea. When your fragile band of Israelites is led out of Egypt by a giant flaming column of smoke and dust, anything is possible."

Isaiah Mustafa also played the role of Football Player on something called Football Wives, which I understand involved men trying to marry everyday objects to win a Japanese game show. (The $1,000,000 top prize went to Chuck, from Idaho, who successfully married his tractor.)

Reason I Assumed Sweetie Liked Him: Sweetie and I have a ritual on Saturday afternoons and evenings; at some point during Saturday, we settle in to watch the TV show The Dish-- or we plan to do that. In actuality, every Saturday, Sweetie watches it until I doze off and then she turns the channel to watch Law & Order.

Last week, or maybe it was the week before, because I'm a little disoriented today, Isaiah Mustafa was on The Dish as a guest, making jokes about his commercial.

So I assumed that Sweetie remembered seeing him on The Dish, but got a little confused because she'd switched over to Law & Order, so she actually thought she saw him on that show, and that made her automatically like him, since the quickest way to Sweetie's heart is to be on a Law & Order (which means that eventually Sweetie will love everyone in the world, because eventually we will all be on Law & Order.)(And then the Lawandorderpocalypse will occur and we'll all be dead.)

Sweetie's Actual Reason For Liking Him: I asked her this morning, and Sweetie at first quoted the commercial, saying: "Look at me, look at him."

When I said "What?" she said: "He has a good body."

Then she added quickly, "But he's funny!"
Point I'd Like To Make About Sweetie's Actual Reason For Liking Him: I thought that Sweetie was quoting the commercial when she first spoke. Now, though, looking back, I'm wondering if she really was. What if she was saying "Look at me, look at him" as a way of saying that she -- the perfect woman -- and him -- the perfect man AND he's on a horse-- should hook up and create a superhuman race?

So I would just like to mention to Sweetie that I'm a lawyer and I've looked into it and Wanting to create a superhuman race is NOT grounds for leaving your husband. Not in our state. (It is in Idaho.)

This Is Why I Hate People?--
and I've got a new reason every day. Check out the Blog and the Twitter.

No comments: