Sweetie and I had a night of errands that began with the revelation that our garage door hinge was breaking off. Here are an assortment of my Actual Thoughts from that night:
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Should I wear jeans? It's cold out. But it's summer. I wear jeans all year. Are shorts and a sweatshirt okay?
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Me: Wear Crocs. See if I'm not right about the static.
Sweetie: It's just your head.
Me: Really? Then wear Crocs.
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Me: I don't like the way this shirt looks. I think it makes me look fat.
Sweetie: You're like a little old lady.
Me: Old ladies worry about being fat?
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My shirt does make me look fat. I'm changing.
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Sweetie: Why are you undoing your pants?
Me: I'm tucking in my shirt.
Sweetie: I'm calling you Gladys.
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Conversational topic on the way TO the store: Which of my siblings would I not be surprised about turning out to be a major criminal.
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"Deadly Creatures: The Game?" That looks like a cool video game.
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Oh. It's not.
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Guiness Book of World Records, The Videogame?
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Do they have that Katamari game for Wii? I bet he'd like that. I don't see it. Are these in alphabetical order? I'd like to play that Katamari game.
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If he wants Indiana Jones for the Wii, and I get him "Lego Indiana Jones" because it's cheaper, is that acceptable?
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Neither one of these lines appears to be moving. How can there be a line at Best Buy on a weekday? Why is this guy explaining the warranty to them while I wait with my 1 video game? Wait. What is she asking about? The Rewards Card? Oh, my God. I so chose the wrong lane. Is she going to fill out the application, here? Why? Maybe I should move to the other lane. That guy just saw me loking at him but really I was looking at his lane. I bet he's wondering what I'm writing. I can't believe these people aren't done yet! He's explaining how interest on their card works. They're buying a Wii and a TV. Big night for them. Finally! I can pay!___________________________________________
Sweetie: You were screwing around.
Me: What would you have done, just grabbed some dumb game?
Sweetie: Yeah.
Me: That's why I have to do these things.
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Sweetie: I thought you were going to say something about how I take your change.
Me: You do. You take everything.
Sweetie: I do not take everything!
Me: Change-wise, you do.
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Sweetie: (As I wrote down that last part): You're like a little old lady, it's taking so long.
Me: That's going in the notebook.
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What I Chanted As Sweetie Dispatched Me and Mr Bunches For Some Groceries:Potatoes, Bananas, Apples and a Pepper
Potatoes, Bananas, Apples and a Pepper
Potatoes, Bananas, Apples and a Pepper
Potatoes, Bananas, Apples and a Pepper
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'Bacon ends and pieces'? Is that a thing?
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Barbecue chicken breasts as lunchmeat? How does that work? Isn't the barbecue flavor all on the outside, leaving the lunchmeat un-barbecue-y?
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Me: (Upon seeing pizza-flavored-cheese-balls:) Ooooooooooohh.
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They have no Caesar-flavored potato chips yet. When will that come out? It almost has to, doesn't it? Barbecue is a pretty popular flavor for potato chips. But is it actually a flavor, like "lemon" is a flavor, or is it a method of cooking? They have flavored barbecue sauce, after all, like teriyaki barbecue sauce, so is that a whole different flavor or a combination of two flavors, or what? You never see teriyaki ranch or something.
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Calgon: Ancient Chinese Secret, huh?
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I wonder if we should get some microwave popcorn. We have real popcorn, but I never make it. It seems like so much work after microwave popcorn. But it seems like a waste to buy popcorn when we have it already.
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Katy Perry is creepy.
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I feel sorry for whoever buys that Heath Bar (thought after watching Mr Bunches pick it off the rack, drop it, try to put it back, drop it again, try a third time, then leave it there and walk away, stepping on it, after which I picked it up and put it on the rack.)
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Me: Do you have any cash or checks left?
Sweetie: No. Why?
Me: Because I thought we would stop and get a hinge for the garage door.
Sweetie: Well, I have checks.
Me: That's why I asked if you had cash or checks.
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Conversational topic on the way HOME FROM the store: Michael Jackson coverage/Is the hardware store likely to still be open/Stars who got plastic surgery that turned out badly.
See all the other Actual Things I Thought.
1 comment:
My favorite part is the picture of the notebook, and the thought, including 'I bet he's wondering what I'm writing down' next to it!
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