Monday, September 07, 2009

This Is Why I Hate People, Table of contents

"This Is Why I Hate People" used to be a blog here; now it's a feature on this blog.

I get it: Cars break down. And when they do...

Plus, I still kind of think she would smell like salami.

Paul Allen, You Suck.

Private jets & helicopters: waste waste waste.

Somewhere, a Real Housewife is thinking SHE is entitled to some of this money

Who pays this much for a shirt?

"Do Not Attempt?"

And, down below, is an explanation of Nonsportsmanlike Conduct, which used to be a feature on this blog but is now a blog here.

This is the archive of all the Nonsportsmanlike Conduct Articles and also the explanation of what this feature is all about...

The articles:

We should just pay kids to play sports: Why pretending high school sports are for learning is ruining sports for everyone.

Congratulations, you ALMOST won: How the Olympics elevates losing.

Aqua Seafoam Shame: Tiger's Apology.

Making Sports Out of Nothing At All: Things Analysts Rely On Which Don't Matter.

1. Wouldn't Peyton Manning and Sandra Bullock make a cute couple?

2. Football on the Radio, The Importance of Being Close To Canada, and a Quick Latin Lesson.

3. Using the library to fight demons, why there's no such thing as a game-winning play, and more.

4. Just root, root, root for whomever you want (How do you choose which team to root for?)

5. Predicting The Winner of The National League Playoffs, the NC! Way! (And making fun, along the way, of the teams, politicians, and female "athletes.")

6. The importance of things that don't matter.

7. Packer Fans Are Stupid.

8. Can your quarterback beat up an evil pinata? (The Patented Nonsportsmanlike Conduct! Test Of How Good Your Quarterback REALLY is (as measured by some football stuff and the Pinata: Survival Island standards).)

9. Why We Should All Be Rooting For The Yankees, All The Time And Everytime.

10. The Nonsportsmanlike Conduct! NonGift! NonGuide!, 2009!

11. Death Stars, Facebook, and even some sports stuff. (7 Or 8 -- I'm Too Lazy To Count -- Things About Sports.)

12. The Saints Ain't Gonna Win The Super Bowl.

13. Your team made 20 million bucks by not caring about you.

14. Your 2009! Nonsportsman! Of The Year!

15. The Fan Vote Wild Card: Today, I'm bringing democracy to the NFL; next week, the Senate.

16. Analyzing the 2010 NFL Playoffs the NC! Way:

Day one: Jets & Eagles.
Day two: Cardinals, Ravens, Packers, and Bengals
Day three: Patriots*, Chargers, Brett Favre's Minnesota Vikings, and Cowboys.

The explanation:

Even if you don't like sports, don't stop reading.

Up until last December, I used to do a sports blog. (It's this now.) I started it because I liked talking about (some) sports and watching (some) sports and wanted to share those ideas, but I didn't think that what I thought about sports fit in with my other blogs (which at the time numbered something less than the 33,000,000 blogs I have now.)

I also didn't think that what I thought about sports and liked about sports fit in with other sports fans, a conclusion I came to after noticing that what I liked about sports, and thought about sports, was never (or almost never) mentioned on sports talk shows, sports blogs, sports pages.

I say almost never because, as it turns out, once I began mentioning them, others did, too, in what I chose to take as an homage.

I called my blog Nonsportsmanlike Conduct and described it as the sports blog for people who liked sports but hated sports talk and sports blogs; or, in the alternative, the sports blog for people who liked thinking about stuff but thought they hated sports. It was (and will be, now) an alternative kind of look at sports, at the fun stuff about sports, the interesting stuff (from my perspective) about sports.

It was on Nonsportsmanlike Conduct that I first came up with (Whodathunkit?!which you can now read here) but I also came up with other stuff. I was the first person to each year track which NFL teams stood a chance of going O-For-Everything, and I not only did that but I spurred them on by each week presenting "Great Losers In History." I came up with and patented* (*but not really) my Never Fail 100% Accurate NC! System for Picking Championship Winners. I did But Is It A Sport? in which I ruled on whether something was an activity or a sport, and I pioneered the Nonsportsmanlike Conduct! Nongift Nonguide, telling you what not to get a sports lover in your life.

Then I ended it all, a victim of finances and time; I simply didn't have enough to say about sports to have a whole blog devoted to it.

But, lucky you, (and lucky me!) I've never stopped having opinions about sports, or at least stuff that's vaguely sports-related, and so I've brought back Nonsportsmanlike Conduct! in all its glory* (*but not really), as a once-weekly (usually on Sundays) feature here on Thinking The Lions. All my old favorites will be back, including the return of the Nonsportsman of the Year and more.

There'll be a few changes, too. In the past, Nonsportsmanlike Conduct! had a good-luck charm, a picture of a woman who drew viewers to the website like... well, like a picture of a hot, scantily-clad women draws viewers to a website.

Because, though, Nonsportsmanlike Conduct! is now on Thinking The Lions, meaning that Sweetie will be reading it, I have to defend myself against her claims that I'm posting pictures of scantily-clad women, and the best defense, as they say, is a shirtless Brady Quinn. So each post will feature not one, but two Good Luck Charms, changing each week. (Got a good luck charm in mind? Suggest one to me.)

But the rest will be the same: Sports stuff that's not a sports blog. It's not about which defense is best, or which team might get hot and make the playoffs. It's about the fun, interesting part of sports... so as I began, even if you don't like sports, stick around and read it.

You'll like Nonsportsmanlike Conduct!. I guarantee it*

(*but not really.)

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