37. Spell your kids' names the right way.
Although this seems bossy, it's actually a compromise. I'm opposed to both weird names and weirdly-spelled names, but I am going to compromise and let people make up dumb names if they spell them the right way.
Having my name spelled with the Extraneous E on the end of it makes me an expert in this kind of thing, and it's an easy way to make the world a less stupid place and make your kids' lives easier. I've spent my whole life with people mispronouncing my name and asking me how it's spelled and having to correct it on my emails and otherwise adding, in a miniscule but still present way, to the troubles we all face. Maybe it's a small thing to have to tell a court reporter, as I once did, that "Yes, I'm sure my name is spelled that way." but why go through it at all?
Now, I'm not a fan of made-up fake names like Apple or Sparrow or whatever it is the next celebrity kid will be named (my money is on third-world country names: Tanzania Clooney has a nice ring, doesn't it?) but, as I said, I've decided to compromise, so if you want to name your kid something that's clearly not a name, something that's (as they said in Pretty In Pink) "a major appliance" or worse, then I'll be okay with that, so long as you spell it right. That's the rule I propose: Whatever you name your kid, spell it right. If you call your kid Tanzania, it's got to be spelled that way, not Taanzoneeyah.
And if you do the right thing and just use a traditional name, like Brian or Daniel or Tom, spell that the right way, too, not dAnYul or Tomm.
You can always get the weird name you want by having it be your kid's nickname after all. What's wrong with "We named her Lily, but we call her Apple." Nothing, that's what.
30/31. Impose a luxury tax that increases exponentially the more people spend/Never watch another Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie movie again.
26. Require everything we build, from here on out, to get at least some of its power from the sun or the wind.
13. Ban driving any kind of automobile, motorcycle or other personal vehicle within 1-2 miles of downtown in any city with a population of more than 100,000.
12. Abolish gym class; instead, teach kids to play musical instruments.
11. Change copyright laws to allow anyone to use anyone else's creative work provided that the copier pay 60% of the profit to the originator and that the copier not cast the original work in a negative light.
10. Have more sidewalk cafes and outdoor seating.
9. When you have to give someone a gift, ask them what they want, and then get that thing for them.
8. Never interrupt or finish someone's jokes.
7. Periodically, give up something you like for at least a month.
6. Switch to "E-money."
5. Have each person assigned one phone number, and then add an extension for the various phones and faxes that person might be reached at.
4. Abolish Mondays and Tuesdays.
3. Don't listen to interviews with athletes or comedians.
2. Have "personal cashiers" at the grocery store.
1. Don't earn more than $200,000 per year.