Saturday, November 07, 2009

I think the time is ripe for "Saved By The Bell: The Next Generation." (Sweetie's Hunk of the Week, 37)

It's back, after a one-week layoff during which there was a hunk, I just didn't get around to posting him. (Sorry, guy who stars on Friday Night Lights and whose name I can't remember and who was supposed to be the Hunk last week. You've been passed over for Hunk. Maybe it'll come back around, maybe not...)

I've used the hiatus to add a new category on Sweetie's Hunk of The Week...

This week's hunk is Jonathan Jackson:

You Don't Know Him Without You watched "General Hospital" from 1993 to 1999, which Sweetie swears she doesn't do, something I believe her about because Sweetie nominated Jonathan this week, and when I asked who he was, she said "He's on General Hospital." Only, as I've just pointed out, he's not. According to his Wikipedia page, he played "Lucky Spencer"

...that is one of the many reasons people hate soap operas and their fans, you know, names like Lucky Spencer...

on GH from 1993-1999.

You could also have seen him make two guest appearances on Boy Meets World in that span. Jonathan truly owned the world in the late 1990s. Well, him and Spinderella. Spinderella, you may remember, not only released the final Salt 'n' Pepa album in 1997, but she also played a key role in Kazaam in 1996, and she opened a beauty parlor that year.

So Sweetie knows about Jonathan from General Hospital, and also from the way-distant pass, making Jonathan the first historical hunk. As for the rest of us, we don't know him at all. We just find his picture on our computer, the way we do each week, and say "Who's this?"

Thing That Makes You Go Hmmmm About Him: He's a member of a band... no, really, called Enation... no, really... and... um... they actually sound pretty good:

I was totally going to make fun of that, but it turned out to be a pretty good song. I bet, though, that I can get a little mileage out of their song "Flint."

Look, Jonathan, you're not helping me out here. Let's see if Sweetie can give me something to work with. I just now mentioned, while playing Flint, that it was this week's hunk. This is the conversation we had:

Sweetie: He's in a band?
Me: With his brother.
Sweetie: The brother that took over for Zack on Saved by the Bell?

That, by the way, follows us watching The Soup last night and seeing a clip of a woman on Nip/Tuck, which prompted Sweetie to say "She was on Saved By The Bell: The College Years."

So, Jonathan, you may be an actor who's also in a band and who has a sister who's a best-selling author, but I am married to someone with an encyclopedic knowledge of the casting on Saved By The Bell.

I noticed, too, that apparently Lucky Spencer has made a comeback, because Jonathan has credits for that role in 2009, which means we may also be on the verge of a Spinderella comeback:


Odds, based on his roles in the past, that Jonathan would win a fight against an obscure superhero or strange animal that I think off off the top of my head: I woke up this morning thinking three things: (1) Those giant salamanders on Planet Earth last night were really freaky, (2) What were the Blue Beetle's powers, and (3) Didn't Dana Delaney freak out at some point along the way and make Hollywood hate her?

Now, some among you will be thinking What does this guy eat before he goes to bed? Others will be thinking Yeah, I thought Dana Delaney went nuts or something, too, while still others are thinking "Giant salamanders vs. Jonathan Jackson? That sounds like the kind of thing I'd watch on Pay Per View, if it was hosted by Spinderella."

The answer to all of your questions is "Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch mixed in with a bit of S'mores Cereal, and a Coke Zero." And also, "If you Google the question Did Dana Delaney Freak Out" you'll get to Dana's website where you'll find there's a forum on which Dana fans (?) can discuss the burning issues of the day, like "health care" and "whether something being available in French also means it is available in German," as seen by this actual comment:

Hey Michael and greetings to my neighbour country:-) I can recommend my favorite Dana movies. They both belong to the the Western genre: "Tombstone" and "True women". They're both available in German, so I conclude that you can also buy them in French.

I also spoke too soon. There is no debate, on that site, over health care. But there is a claim that Dana Delaney is:

Sometimes annoying but …. Irresistible. ;-)

What's the wink for?

So, could Dana Delaney beat up a giant salamander? Tune in to the next Spinderella's All-Star Challenge and find out!

Reason I Tell Myself Sweetie Likes Him: I actually doubt that anyone could beat up a giant salamander. They're, like, six feet long and they live in supercold water and have these little nodes on their head that sense changes in the currents... but I'm getting a little distracted. I'm going to get back on track by saying that Sweetie likes Jonathan Jackson because... um... he was on Saved By The Bell? I don't know. I'm confused, now.

Actual Reason Sweetie Likes Him: "I don't know. I have no idea why."

Point I'd Like To Make About Sweetie's Actual Reason For Liking Him:
That answer, given by Sweetie this morning, would make sense if it were me talking. I frequently do things without having a clue as to why I do them, or forget why I was doing them because I'm thinking about giant salamanders. But Sweetie? Sweetie never does anything without a reason, which means... she's hiding something. There's some secret reason that she likes Jonathan Jackson. Something so dark, so twisted, so scary that Sweetie can't reveal it to me (and the entire Internet) for posting on this blog. Sweetie has a secret!

And I think I know what it is: I bet she's got a Lucky Spencer tattoo! 'Fess up, Sweetie: You've got a picture of Hunk 37 somewhere, permanently inked on you, don't you? And since you probably got it back in the 1990s, when he first rose to fame, it probably looks exactly like this:

Or, worse, this:

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