Thursday, February 19, 2009

Smedley Jenkins Reboot 2: Let's shed some light on this.

Somewhere in space... on a deserted island filled with superheroes fleeing from a robot army... Smedley Jenkins leads his band of people, and the Fax Pig, on a quest...

Smedley: Well, what's going on ...[knocks head into fixture on bridge]...Oww! What the heck was that? Why is it so dim in here? Did the power go out again?

Crewman 1: That's a wall fixture put there by set decorators to create mood. I believe they found it in an old Incan tomb in Peru, braving the mummy's curse to get just the right sconce. Also, similar items are available at that strip mall down the street.

Smedley: Answer my question. I haven't got much time. My ex-wife, with whom I remain surprisingly friendly except when the plot requires me to not be friendly with her, is coming over.

Crewman 2: Coming over? We're somewhere in the middle of space. Didn't you see the opening title sequence?

Smedley: Who can see anything in here? It's practically pitch black. Where's my desk?

Crewman 2: Why do you have a desk on the bridge?

Smedley: Because it keeps the alligators away.

Crewman 2: Ha! I get it. Like that old joke. "How do you know it's working? Well, do you see any alligators here?

Smedley: [STARES BLANKLY AT CREWMAN FOR A MOMENT, THEN TURNS TO CREWMAN 1] I take it nobody told him about the alligators.

Crewman 1: We don't tell him a lot.

Fax Pig: Oink!


Smedley: What the... where's my chair? [FEELS AROUND, LOCATES IT]. Is there some reason we're living in a cave?

Crewman 1: Technically, we are in a cave.

Smedley: I thought we were a small business.

Crewman 1: In a cave. Right.

Smedley: Was Joss Whedon completely unavailable to help out with this show? Why is it so dark? We may be stuck in a cave but does that mean we have to live like vampires?

Previously-unnoticed Crewman 3: Well, I am a vampire. A moody, kind of emo vampire, who also happens to be a pale-skinned, large-fanged deranged vampire that has many batlike qualities, while at the same time maybe being just a serial killer.

Smedley: As long as you're not very threatening to teenager girls. You're not, right?

Crewman 3: Far less threatening than the star quarterback on the football team.

Star Quarterback enters: Did someone call? [BUMPS HEAD INTO INCAN SCONCE]. Ow. What's that? I'm bleeding, I think. I might need some care from a teenage girl who I will then try to seduce, taking shameless advantage of my star power.

Smedley: That's it. We've got to do something. Sorry, Crewman 3/vampire, but it's too dark in here. I can barely tell that Star Quarterback is being played by guest star James Van Der Beek. Since you are a vampire, you're not qualified to help out. Crewman 2!

Crewman 2: Yes, sir!

Smedley: [HANDS GIANT GUN TO CREWMAN 2]: Take this. You'll need it. I need you to go find us some lighting for this cave/retail store.

Crewman 2: What's the gun for?

Smedley: The alligators.

Fax Pig: Oink!


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