I might have found the cure for my cold feet: Acorn Slippers from Hank's Clothing.
Apparently, Acorn Slippers, like Hank's itself, have been around more or less forever, which makes it hard for me to understand how I didn't know about them. There should be a clearinghouse or website or something for people who have cold feet where we could go to find remedies.
Until then, though, there's at least that Hank's website where I can order some slippers. Hank's says that they've been used all over the world: camping in the Adirondacks, kids' parties, and even outer space.
He had me at "outer space." All you have to do is tell me that something was used by Astronauts and I'm there. (That's why I have a whole garage full of Tang. I don't even know what it is; I just buy a jar whenever I see it. I think it's a kind of heat-resistant grout.)
Hank's says that the Acorn slippers have been standard issue on Space Shuttle missions since 1982, and who am I to doubt him? Just a guy with a lot of Tang, that's who.
Anyway, the slippers: They come in waterproof varieties, polar varieties, varieties for people with wide feet, and even kid's versions. In case your kid gets picked to be on a shuttle mission -- and doesn't want his feet to get cold.
So I plan on ordering at least, say, 17 pairs. And then wearing them to work, where I will answer all questions about them with "Are you challenging America's space superiority? No, I thought not."
(That's how I already answer all other questions in the office. I like to be consistent.)