Previously on Smedley Jenkins Reboot...
Voice Over: Do you really need a recap? If you're watching this, then you probably watch this show obsessively and also read blogs about it and watch the "web-isodes" online, and I'm betting that you have a t-shirt that makes some cryptic reference to the show. So how can you not remember what happened previously?
Viewer: [LOOKS DOWN AT SHIRT, WHICH SAYS "Don't Fire The Fax Pig!".] Um.
Tonight, on Jenkins Smedley Reboot:
Jenkins: [walks into a dimly lit room wherein a bunch of people are gathered around a blanket-shrouded body-shaped object.] What's going on here? Is this an autopsy?
Coroner: Shh. I'm about to make the first incision.
Jenkins: Who am I going to disturb? The dead guy? Your concentration? Because how much concentration does it take to cut open a dead guy?
Coroner: It's not my concentration; it's the cameraman's. Do you have any idea how hard it is to swoop into someone's open chest cavity and then get right inside a vein? We do that all in one take.
Jenkins: I thought those were just special effects.
Coroner: [Laughs] And I bet you thought Nicole Kidman was a real person, too.
Jenkins: She's not?
Crewman in room: Sir, you're putting us on, right? Even stranded on an island traveling through space running from a group of paranormal-powered individuals who may or may not be trying to save the world...
Jenkins: That seems to be wrong, for some reason...
Crewman: ... even with all that, you can't have forgotten the Nicole Kidman rebellion of 2147, when all the Kidmanbots developed sentience and rebelled, attempting to set up a democracy in the United States and overthrow the Obamans who had stayed in power for over a century?
Jenkins: Is this a political parody, now? Because I'm sort of uncomfortable with political jokes thrown in for no real reason whatsoever. Plus, I think you're kidding me about this.
Coroner: Kidding, am I? Look at this! [he throws back the sheet and reveals a Nicole Kidman robot lying on the table. Jenkins leans forward and bumps into the cameraman, who has zoomed in for a close-up.]
Cameraman: Watch it, will you?
Jenkins: [rubbing head] Why is she here?
Coroner: Remember how for a while it was really a big thing to have celebrities be the corpses on those crime shows?
Coroner: And remember how the Kidmanbots were always about 10 years behind the curve in terms of pop culture?
Jenkins: Sure. But, well, why are you cutting her up?
Coroner: Dismantling. You don't cut up a robot.
Jenkins: Is there a chance you'll answer my question?
Coroner: I have to dismantle her. Our Internet server is down and we need to get it back up and running. Instead of continuing to go with some cut-rate outfit, we've opted to simply build our own server, showing the kind of can-do pioneering spirit that is best exemplified by people carving a civilization out of nothing while stranded on a mysterious island and also simultaneously trying to figure out the secrets behind a band of "Others" who may or may not be from a shady corporation.
Jenkins: If we show that kind of can-do spirit, we'll likely be doing it while also being deposed in a copyright infringement lawsuit.
Coroner: In that case, we're showing the kind of can-do spirit that can best be shown by making the complex equipment needed to set up a web hosting site out of spare parts previously contained in our special Sweeps-month guest star Nicole Kidman.
Jenkins: I need a drink. Where is my special futuristic glass that is triangular instead of round for no good reason?
Coroner: Over there on top of that stack of papers that have all the corners cut off for no good reason.
* * * * * * *
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