Sunday, March 01, 2009

My enemies list, 7:

1. People who honk their horn.
2. Pepperoni pizza.
3. The 2008 Detroit Lions.
4. The guy who programmed my cell phone camera, etc. etc....
5. The guy whose house I'm stalking.
6. Water's natural tendency to expand when it freezes.

7. Anyone who ever turns left (except me.)

There is something about driving home from the office on Sunday that makes traffic especially irritating, and therefore makes left-turners espeically-er irritating-er.

Traffic is never fun, but on Sundays, when I finally head home from the extra day in the office, it seems a little worse, a little more annoying, than other days. Maybe it's because when I drive in on Sundays, there's no traffic at all; the streets are deserted, or near enough to deserted that they might as well be. Or maybe it's because I'm anxious to get home to a liverwurst-and-ground-beer-sandwich (with onion rings on it!) and eke some fun out of what little is left of my weekend, or maybe it's because all the really annoying people who don't know where they're going and who are determined to turn left as often as possible really do go out driving on Sundays, but whatever the cause, the Sunday-drive-home traffic is the worst I can imagine.

And today, I counted seventeen cars turning left, slowing down traffic -- me -- and making me more and more annoyed.

So until my thrice-daily letters to President Obama result in change I can really believe in -- i.e., making left turns a federal crime -- I have to console myself with putting all of you left-turners out there on the Enemies List.

So there. Take that.

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