Thursday, July 30, 2009

What's that they say about a better mouse-trap? Does it involve $10s and $20s? (Commutation 13)

I'm coming up with great ideas left and right today, and the first great idea was on the way into work this morning.

I was driving along on a four-lane road, in the rain, and this guy in a gray car suddenly jerked over into my lane with no warning, cutting me off and forcing me to (a) slam on the brakes and (b) nearly drop my blueberry Pop-Tart. So I did something I rarely do: I honked the horn.

Remember that people who honk their horns are on my Enemies List, because honking your horn is such a dumb thing to do (for the reasons explained at that link.) But I was already irritated by the drive in, and nobody makes me nearly drop a Pop-Tart, so I honked...

and nothing happened.

I pressed and pressed and pressed, and nothing happened.

But then I realized: I was over it. My attempts at honking had used up my irritation and anger and had dissipated them, so I was past it and could go on driving/eating Pop-Tarts happily.

And that's why I came up with the invention that will change the world:

The Interior-Only Car Horn.

This is a car horn that, when you honk it, can only be heard inside your car. Nobody outside will ever know that you're honking your horn -- but you can blast away at the idiot drivers, moron bikers, stupid pedestrians, annoying buses, weird trolleys, cute-but-interfering-dogs, and others who mess up your should-be-blissful-but-isn't-commute. With the Interior-Only Car Horn, every minor grievance can become a major blow-out, just for you -- and nobody outside of the car will ever hear it, so you won't be randomly honking at people who didn't do anything while being ignored by the person who really got to you.

I think it's genius. I expect a phone call from most major automakers within moments of posting this, followed by live interviews of me on CNN. Good thing I brushed away those Pop-Tart crumbs.

No comments: